Five Musicians Who Would Make Kick-Ass Parade Balloons

Rocks Off does not go to actual parades because we'll be damned if we'll waste clean pants on something that doesn't involve booze or Harry Potter, but we always make sure to catch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on the teletube.

We are, however, getting a little sick of the traditional balloons. Yay, Snoopy, and all that, but let's harness the power of pop culture and build some idols big enough and balloony enough to make a golden calf crap golden calf crap!

Here's our nominations for inflation.

5. Kanye West: We've recently learned that volunteers handle the balloons with little to no training. In 1997, The Cat in the Hat hit a lamppost and the falling debris knocked a woman into a coma. NYPD decided to deflate the rest of the balloons in a hurry, and the only way they could think to do it was to drag down Barney and the Pink Panther and stab and curb-stomp the air out of them.

Now picture that scene with a Kanye balloon, and join us in Land of Awesome Things.

Five Musicians Who Would Make Kick-Ass Parade Balloons

4. Meat Loaf: Earlier this year, Meat set the bar on shocking sayings pretty damn high when he said his dick was too big for his pants. We figured as long as we were gonna build something huge and inflatable... What? Where are you going? Nobody understands art anymore.

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