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Five Songs for Tonight's Bigfoot Visitor

How could you not trust this face?
How could you not trust this face?
Drafthouse.com

As we've previously reported, Rick Dyer is coming to Houston bearing what he claims is the corpse of the legendary Bigfoot. Dyer assures us that he shot the beast outside San Antonio and is avidly awaiting DNA confirmation from a university to verify his outrageous claims.

It's all chupacabra poop, of course, and a complete mockery of the legitimate search for mysterious creatures. What do you expect from a guy with a criminal record related to eBay fraud?

Still, the Alamo Drafthouse Mason Park has decided to host Dyer and his dead thing for "An Evening With Bigfoot" tonight at 7:30 p.m., and include a mystery screening of a Bigfoot film after the audience Q&A. Now, I used to host monthly screenings of classic Doctor Who at the Alamo, and would select the finest fan songs for inclusion in the preshow. Today I re-assume that mantle completely unasked and offer these five songs to get you in the mood to ogle a rotting ape costume we're pretending is Sasquatch.

5. Tenacious D, "Papagenu (He's My Sassafrass)" You know, Pick of Destiny should have been a much better film, but somehow it just ended up being silly without the necessary heart. Still, it did have Jack Black accidentally taking a bunch of magic mushrooms and flying through the air on the back of a Sasquatch (who is also his father) while singing the kind of song that you sing when you're tripping on hallucinogens and listen to a lot of Dio. For that reason alone, it has earned a spot in any discussion on any topic ever.

4. Groovie Ghoulies. "Running With Bigfoot" Hard to believe that it's been seven years since Groovie Ghoulies called it quits. You just never expect a band like that to ever stop, but every journey has its end. Luckily, they left behind a legacy of lighthearted pop-punk ridiculousness that inspires listeners to this day, like "Running With Bigfoot." Everyone involved is just so damned happy to be there, and how can you blame them? Rolling tires with a big hairy pal is better than anything else you were going to do today.

3. Jonathan Richman & the Modern Lovers, "Abominable Snowman" Some people argue that you shouldn't equate Yetis with Bigfoots, and those sorts of people have entirely too much time on their hands. Here at the Houston Press we embrace all hairy humanoids equally, especially if it takes us back into insane novelty history with the one and only Jonathan Richman. Alternative music wouldn't exist with his goofy, wide-eyed punk weirdness, and he just doesn't get enough credit for his influence.

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Crazy Group Trio, "Umaro" And as long as we're talking about Yetis, I'm not going to miss an opportunity to express my eternal fealty to the oft-maligned Umaro of Final Fantasy VI. I don't care if he sucks, he's a Sasquatch pal with muscle and I am his fan. Crazy Group Trio busts out this really amazing piano rendition of Nobuo Uematsu's character theme, and it is just undeniably awesome. I never really liked Umaro's motif before, but CGT turn it into something on par with Grieg. Well done.

Stompin' Tom Connors, "Sasquatch Song" Not much rhymes with "Sasquatch"... just "hopscotch" and "wristwatch," really, but that's just enough for Stompin' Tom to weave a tale of a hustling Gigantopithecus who becomes the scourge of a nation with his games. It's silly as hell, but Connors was always a master of using that grizzled old voice of his to play silly utterly straight and come out on the other side of a song looking gold.

Maybe that's the attitude that we should all keep in mind when Dyer rolls into town. Though I truly believe that strange creatures are waiting to be found out there in the woods of the world, there's nothing wrong with paying along with a confidence man as long as you're fine with knowing it's a game. Go on and see the sideshow, but don't expect too much.

Alamo Drafthouse Mason Road presents "An Evening With Bigfoot" tonight at 7:30 p.m.

Jef has a new story, a tale of headless strippers and The Rolling Stones, available now in Broken Mirrors, Fractured Minds. You can also connect with him on Facebook.

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