Five Songs You Should Be Evicted for Playing
Here's a news story you may have missed recently: a man in the UK was so utterly obsessed with the Spice Girls song "Viva Forever" that he played it over and over and over again, until he pissed off his neighbors and landlord so much that they kicked him out of his apartment. I've heard of people losing their apartments for playing metal or rock and roll too loud, but the Spice Girls? And was "Viva Forever" even that big of a hit? Maybe in the UK?
Who knows what possessed this man to sacrifice his domicile in the name of Spicefever, but clearly the masses -- or at least this poor bloke's neighbors -- have spoken in a fit of democracy: "Viva Forever" is an awful song, and now evident grounds for eviction. In that spirit, I've got a few other suggestions for songs that ought to be expressly forbidden in your average apartment lease, for the sake of all human sanity.
5. Drowning Pool, "Bodies" Ah yes, our good old friends from Dallas. Drowning Pool wasn't one of the worst bands to come of that whole nu-metal post-grunge movement of the late '90s and early '00s. They also weren't the best.
On the other hand, "Bodies" is so ridiculously repetitive that it feels like you've heard the song ten times in the span of one listen. Imagine listening to the song on repeat and then promptly see a psychiatrist for any mental wounds this fantasy may inflict on you.
4. Sublime, "Santeria" Ever been in a car with stoners? Prepare yourself to hear this song a good ten times in a row. I think we've all been there at some point. The good thing is you eventually reach your destination and it finally ends.
But imagine living next to stoners. There's no reason for them to ever turn it off! Great for them, maddening for anyone in surrounding apartments who isn't baked.
3. Starship, "We Built This City on Rock and Roll" Why does this song always make lists of most annoying or flat-out worst songs of all time? Because it's literally that bad. I would much prefer to have hot oil poured down my ear canals than to hear this song more than once a decade.
2. Dido, "Thank You" This one is personal. I once had a roommate who played this song ad nauseum. I think I had done something to incite this cruel and unusual torture, but I don't remember. All I remember, and all I'm capable of remembering now, is the lyrics. You might not think it's so bad the first time, but trust me, by the fiftieth time, you'll hate it too.
1. Journey, "Don't Stop Believing" With apologies to all this song's fans, it needs to die. Now. Look, I know it was pretty cool when The Sopranos and then Family Guy revived it out of the depths of obscurity and made it a nationwide craze, but can I please just go anywhere that plays music without hearing it at least once?
At this point, if I were your landlord, you wouldn't get through "just a small town girl" before you would be out the door, believe me.
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