Five Spot: Breaking Out the Musical Ugly Stick
Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and list five reasons why it's either brilliant or dumb-assed. Send tips to firstname.lastname@example.org.
That's Iggy on the right, in case you were wondering.
Leathery Stooge Iggy Pop recently had his band's equipment stolen outside of an Embassy Suites hotel - the exact reason why we stay at the fashionably swank Motel 6 on tour - and naturally, the first thing Five Spot thought when we saw the story was, "Wow, Iggy Pop is not an attractive man. In the least."
Since it was through no fault of his own, Mr. Pop gets a pass on us deciding if this bit of news is dumb-assed or not; unfortunately for him, though, that doesn't make him any less ugly. Here are five of our favorite musicians Iggy might hang out with to make himself feel less, er, monsterish.
Sabrina Carpenter: The De-Tour
TicketsSun., Jul. 30, 7:00pm
I Love The 90's: The Party Continues Tour
TicketsSun., Jul. 30, 7:30pm
2 Chainz - Pretty Girls Like Trap Music Tour 2017
TicketsFri., Aug. 4, 7:00pm
TicketsSat., Aug. 5, 8:00pm
Summer Slaughter Tour
TicketsMon., Aug. 7, 2:00pm
Yeah, Mixtape Messiah was dope, but admit it, Cham looks a lot like a tinier, uglier 50 Cent. And 50 ain't exactly George Clooney.
The Rolling Stones
Age is unfriendly to a lot of rockers, but it seems to have been extra harsh to the Stones. They may have been rocking the shit in the 70's, but now they look an awful lot like those Gelflings from The Dark Crystal.
Remember that poster Lil' Kim had in the '90s that drove everyone nuts? (The one where she's squatting in that leopard print bikini.) She's pretty much the exact opposite of that now.
We really hate to speak ill of the dead but - wait, Courtney Love's not dead? Yipes. Then can someone explain to us why she looks like the Crypt Keeper?
Do we really need to make a joke here? Ummm... okay: Blah blah blah... Spud from Trainspotting, only uglier... blah blah blah a sick Clay Aiken... blah blah blah...
Who'd we miss? Leave 'em in the comments. - Shea Serrano