Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and list five reasons why it's either brilliant or dumb-assed. Send tips to email@example.com.
For his bravery, Jones was bestowed a busted nose and a whole bunch of people laughing at him. We deem Mike Jones's Trae-directed beef to be super dumb-assed. Here's why:
1. Trae is from Southwest Houston, or "The West," as it's referred to on the streets, and the "Seventh Circle of Hell" as it's referred to at our house. We heard whenever a baby is born in Southwest Houston, an angel dies. Sounds true enough.
2. Trae went at it with the Houston Police Department. And won.
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3. Trae helped found a group called Assholes By Nature. Essentially, it's a conglomeration of Bloods, Crips and several other gangs, but really, if a dude introduces his clique as "Assholes By Nature," further explanation is irrelevant. Just take it to mean that they don't take any shit.
4. He's kin to Z-Ro, who is easily the most intimidating person in Houston. Z-Ro will eat your face just for fun, and when he's done eating your face, he'll eat his own face too. If you're doubting the logistics behind someone eating their own face, Z-Ro doesn't give a shit. Z-Ro eats logistics too.
5. Allow us to reiterate: Trae. Is. Kin. To. Z-Ro. We went to the doctor the other day, and he came in and said, "I've got some bad news." "What is it?" we said.
The doctor looked us in the eye and said, "It's cancer." We were like, "Woohoo! We thought you were gonna say we had Z-Ro." True story. - Shea Serrano