Paris Hilton and 50 Cent: Insert "Lollipop" joke here.
Welcome to Five Spot, another new Rocks Off recurrent. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and list five reasons why it's either brilliant or dumb-assed. Send tips to firstname.lastname@example.org.
So in case you hadn't heard, rapper 50 Cent is currently suing Taco Bell for the grievous offense of "Diluting the value of his good name." After seconds of careful deliberation, Five Spot's verdict is: dumb-assed. Five reasons Fiddy's name wasn't all that great to begin with:
1. Ummm, isn't this the same guy that "allegedly" burned down the house of his baby's mother, prompting his ex-wife to tell TMZ.com: "He said that he was going to have someone come kill me, and see what he does? This is what he did." This might be a little more detrimental to 50's name than Taco Bell asking him to call himself "0.79."
Has it really been five years since "In Da Club" was everywhere?
2. Remember when he threw that fit because MTV wouldn't let him call his video "I Still Kill," citing the murderous ways of Guns N' Roses and, um, the Killers as a precedent? Yeah, that was dope.
3. Oh, and let's not forget 50's whole "I'll retire if Kanye West outsells me" gambit, only after he got beat to be all, "Yeah, I was just playing." Nobody likes a liar, but everybody loves those chicken supreme gorditas. Yum!
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4. Of course, there was the time Mr. Cent ripped a TV out of the wall and threw his cell phone threw a window because one of his songs had been leaked onto the Internet. In all fairness, though, this was probably the first time in recorded history an artist's song had been leaked on the Internet, so 50 did have a right to flip his shit.
5. Getting arrested is always good for a rapper's image. Unless the charge is, seriously, "acting like an asshole."
For this particular piece of news, we probably could've listed 200 reasons - we didn't even look at any news past 2006. If you've got some reasons we missed, leave 'em in the comments section. - Shea Serrano