Five Top Rappers' Ideal Corporate Jobs
The U.S. economy has been limping for a while now, causing more and more people to seek innovative ways of generating revenue. Rappers, it turns out, aren't immune from the economic turmoil.
Just ask will.i.am of The Black Eyed Peas, who recently secured a second job with Intel to stay afloat. Some have had to make significant cutbacks, like reducing their bling budget from $60,000 to a puny $15,000, wearing knockoff apparel, and making it rain with Washingtons instead of Franklins.
Not at all, baller. Well, we won't sit here and watch our idols continue to dwell in a state of penury. So, we've drawn up the perfect corporate jobs for five rappers should they ever decide to expand their hustle.
Position: Hood Wine Connoisseur
Jay-Z dissed Cristal after champagne boss Frédéric Rouzaud went out of his way to insult the rapper's fondness for Cristal. N.O.R.E., a self-proclaimed hood wine connoisseur, could help Cristal regain popularity in the hip-hop community. Plus, he understands the importance of proper wine selection.
"Women respond perfectly to wine," N.O.R.E. says, "If you give them vodka, they know you're just trying to hump them."
Company: Crochet Clothing
Position: Head Knitter in Charge
Common has always been the butt of hip-hop jokes for wearing crocheted pants. To his credit, these trousers offer the benefit of supplying ample ventilation to your holy parts. If Common really wants to stick it to the mudslingers, then he should go ahead and embrace crocheted pants completely.
He could earn extra cash by launching his own line of clothing specializing in crochet pants, crochet boxers, and crochet thongs.
3. Nicki Minaj
Position: Cleavage Envy Specialist
Wonderbra's marketing campaign would be safely nestled in Nicki Minaj's bosom.
No marketing slogans necessary. Just a life-size billboard of Nicki and her massive knockers.
2. Young Jeezy
Company: Johnson & Johnson
Position: Quality Control Officer
They don't call him "Snowman" for nothing. Jeezy's prowess for peddling quality powder would prove valuable to Johnson & Johnson. If you're looking to push that white, get at this dude.
1. Gucci Mane
Company: Ben & Jerry's
Position: The Face
Gucci Mane has made his fascination with ice cream abundantly clear. If this hip-hop thing doesn't work out, he could always apply to be the face of Ben & Jerry's.
He'll probably have to add 13 new characters to his ice-cream tat, but that's a minor inconvenience for a man of sophistication.
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