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Five Top Rappers' Ideal Corporate Jobs

The U.S. economy has been limping for a while now, causing more and more people to seek innovative ways of generating revenue. Rappers, it turns out, aren't immune from the economic turmoil.

Just ask will.i.am of The Black Eyed Peas, who recently secured a second job with Intel to stay afloat. Some have had to make significant cutbacks, like reducing their bling budget from $60,000 to a puny $15,000, wearing knockoff apparel, and making it rain with Washingtons instead of Franklins.

Not at all, baller. Well, we won't sit here and watch our idols continue to dwell in a state of penury. So, we've drawn up the perfect corporate jobs for five rappers should they ever decide to expand their hustle.

5. N.O.R.E.

Company: Cristal

Position: Hood Wine Connoisseur

Jay-Z dissed Cristal after champagne boss Frédéric Rouzaud went out of his way to insult the rapper's fondness for Cristal. N.O.R.E., a self-proclaimed hood wine connoisseur, could help Cristal regain popularity in the hip-hop community. Plus, he understands the importance of proper wine selection.

"Women respond perfectly to wine," N.O.R.E. says, "If you give them vodka, they know you're just trying to hump them."

Five Top Rappers' Ideal Corporate Jobs
tvovermind.com

4. Common

Company: Crochet Clothing

Position: Head Knitter in Charge

Common has always been the butt of hip-hop jokes for wearing crocheted pants. To his credit, these trousers offer the benefit of supplying ample ventilation to your holy parts. If Common really wants to stick it to the mudslingers, then he should go ahead and embrace crocheted pants completely.

He could earn extra cash by launching his own line of clothing specializing in crochet pants, crochet boxers, and crochet thongs.

 

3. Nicki Minaj

Company: Wonderbra

Position: Cleavage Envy Specialist

Wonderbra's marketing campaign would be safely nestled in Nicki Minaj's bosom.

No marketing slogans necessary. Just a life-size billboard of Nicki and her massive knockers.

Five Top Rappers' Ideal Corporate Jobs

2. Young Jeezy

Company: Johnson & Johnson

Position: Quality Control Officer

They don't call him "Snowman" for nothing. Jeezy's prowess for peddling quality powder would prove valuable to Johnson & Johnson. If you're looking to push that white, get at this dude.

1. Gucci Mane

Company: Ben & Jerry's

Position: The Face

Gucci Mane has made his fascination with ice cream abundantly clear. If this hip-hop thing doesn't work out, he could always apply to be the face of Ben & Jerry's.

He'll probably have to add 13 new characters to his ice-cream tat, but that's a minor inconvenience for a man of sophistication.


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