Howdy, sailor...
Howdy, sailor...

Free Press Exposes Local Scene's Disturbing Turtle Fetish

While Rocks Off has been valiantly battling the evil forces of pop-country, preparing for SXSW and breaking news about Frank Black's upcoming collaboration with the Catastrophe Theater folks, Free Press Houston has totally scooped us on some disturbing news out of the deceptively innocent-seeming "H-pop" scene. As our 7th grade English teacher used to say, 40 lashes with a wet noodle. Reports FPH correspondent Ramon "LP4" Medina, whose recent "retirement" from the Montrose monthly was obviously a smokescreen so he could go deep undercover within the North American People Turtle Love Association (NAPTLA):

"Though many wouldn't talk out of fear or shame, we eventually did gain the trust of various local musicians, and slowly they opened up to us."

Coming out of their shell, as it were.

Among the local scenesters who discussed their reptile fetishes with Medina were Homopolice's Beau Beasley, who admits "I just watched a video of a turtle raping a shoe - it was kind of sexy." Bring Back the Guns' Eric Bogle opines, "turtle porn is the muse that Houston's indie-pop scene has been missing," while Something Fierce's Nikki Seven contributes this haiku:

turtle porn is skank houston indie pop is shamed awesome! party time!

This is all fun and games, of course, but Rocks Off would just like to point out - as did commenter "Lara" - that it's also the kind of navel-gazing shite that makes .44-caliber ammunition for the people (both here and elsewhere) who sometimes find it difficulat to take our local music scene seriously. And besides, Rocks Off always preferred alligators to turtles, but then he always did get off on danger.


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