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Free Press Summer Fest: The Festival's Biggest WTF Moments

A little lost, Kim?
A little lost, Kim?
Photo by Jim Bricker

Know Your City During Matt & Kim, Kim had the crowd in her pocket... until she accidentally called them "Dallas." She immediately recognized her terrible faux pas and recovered by telling a story about how once she was having sex with Matt and called him by the wrong name. She said that afterwards "things got weird," so she encouraged the crowd to get as "weird" as they could so we could all relive it together. Crisis averted. SELENA DIERINGER

Make-Out Party While I was smack in the middle of the mob at Calvin Harris, I looked around and realized that everyone around me was making out, hard. It's really awkward to be standing with a co-worker in the middle of a mob of high-school kids, all of them making out while the area reeked of sweat and dance music was blaring. Kids, we don't need to see you dry-hump, like, ever. ANGELICA LEICHT

REWIND:

Free Press Summer Fest: The Worst Things Inflicted Upon Us, 2013

Free Press Summer Fest: The Best Acts of Sunday, 6/2/2013

The Good Old Days? The most "WTF" thing that I encountered at the fest was the almost total lack of WTF-ness, at least compared to previous years. The lines to get in were manageable, the number of porta-cans was appropriate and, for the most part, everything ran on schedule.

Not bad for 80,000 people, I guess, but I found myself pining for the weirdness of last year's Super Happy Fun Land stage - or even a paint slide or two. NATHAN SMITH

Back That Ass Up Women, I'd like to talk to you about a serious problem sweeping America. It's called "Momjeans Jeanshorts," and it is a legit epidemic. I've gotta tell you straight, they don't look good on ANYONE. Heidi Klum would look awkward in that shit.

They make everyone look like they have a big ass, and NOT in the good, "Back That Ass Up" way. There was never a rock song about pear-bottomed girls making the rockin' world go 'round. I'm all for a high-waisted sailor pant, because that shit is cute. These shorts are NOT. I say we band together and make this trend disappear as fast as possible. SELENA DIERINGER

Let It Grow As I was walking between stages Sunday afternoon, someone - who did this all without stopping his forward momentum, I might add - reached out, stroked my facial hair, looked me in the eye and said, "Let it grow, man, let it grow."

What he doesn't know is that I've tried growing it for years and no matter what I do, it just stops at a certain, short point. Way to remind me I'll never have a magnificent beard, random jerk. CORY GARCIA

REWIND:

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis at Free Press Summer Fest, 6/2/2013

Free Press Summer Fest: Saturday's Best Acts, 6/1/2013

Not So Fancy Pants The Fancy Pants tents were full of people flat laid out from the sun, but one chick in there Saturday was so out of it that she wouldn't wake up or eat. The people around her were trying to help her, but no dice.

She eventually was forced up and at 'em by some dude, and followed him out. I'm really hoping it was someone she came with. ANGELICA LEICHT

High On the Hill There was a giant dirt cliff on the hill in front of the Saturn stage, I sat there during Vintage Trouble, watching people struggle to overcome it. That was entertaining. And Sunday's rain made those hills even more slippery. BRITTANIE SHEY

Being The "Cool" Parent I get it- you want to go have fun at FPSF and don't want to fork over the cash for a babysitter, so you gather up your youngster(s) at hit the festival. Sure, in 10 years your kids will be thanking you for exposing them to good music at a young age, but come one: if you're kid can't be trusted to be home alone for the afternoon, does that same kid need to be watching the Geto Boys? CORY GARCIA

Give Us the Straight Dope So, did we ever find out if Bushwick Bill really did get busted for pot possession? We'd kind of like to know. [The latest we've heard is that he was simply late coming in from Louisiana -- Ed.] JOHN SEABORN GRAY

 

Free Press Summer Fest: The Festival's Biggest WTF Moments

Thrift Shop Superstar One gentleman wore a fur coat to the festival, hoping and praying that somehow Macklemore would see him in the sea of people, ask him to crowd-surf it to the stage, and later become an instant celebrity/chick magnet. Well, that guy better buy a fucking lottery ticket because all of that shit happened exactly as he probably planned.

Macklemore indeed wore the coat as he sang his hit "Thrift Shop," and then, as fur-coat dude climbed the hill after the set, he was stopped by a gaggle of cute ladies who wanted to take a photo a with him and show him love. If you're going to risk heatstroke and possibly death, you might as well be rewarded with new lady friends in the process. Well done, Mr. Fur Coat Guy. MARCO TORRES

REWIND:

The Postal Service at Free Press Summer Fest, 6/1/2013

Geto Boys at Free Press Summer Fest, 6/1/2013

Wiki-Hole In case you didn't notice, Wikipedia-ing the band your watching is the new wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see to the show. While standing in my less-choice-by-the-second spot for Postal Service a man asked, "who's playing at this stage?"

I thought he was joking and said I didn't know. He and his lady friend barged past me, blocking my view. I then watched the lady friend fall down a Wiki-hole from Postal Service to Ben Gibbard to Zooey Deschanel. APRIL BREM PATRICK

Fashion Victims The only "WTF" things I noticed at the fest this year were some fashion choices. I saw a dude in an American flag Speedo, some chicks in 5" wedge sandals, and loads of ill-fitting bikinis. NEPH BASEDOW

Re-Entry Issues On Saturday afternoon, security decided there was going to be no re-entry at the East gate. We'd forgotten our IDs at home, and so my husband planned to ride the one mile back to our house to get them, but security wasn't going to let him back in.

I found some FPSF workers who tried to help me by calling on the walkie-talkies to clarify what the festival policy was, and it was reported back to me that the head of the festival and the head of festival security were having a powwow to decide on what to do. Now, I appreciate that some things will go wrong during a festival of this size, but re-entry? That's kind of a big one, guys. [That policy was later reversed - Ed.] BRITTANIE SHEY

REWIND:

Iggy & the Stooges at Free Press Summer Fest, 6/1/2013

Free Press Summer Fest: More Sweaty Photos of Saturday's Acts

Bandits

The dudes who tried to bandit the festival by swimming from the north banks of Buffalo Bayou in the hopes of hopping the fence: don't be dumb. And also, gross. He and his buddy ended up having to swim back across. There were several people, however, who enjoyed Matt & Kim from their canoe and from the North Bank. BRITTANIE SHEY

Nice Guy With a Sharpie My biggest WTF moment at FPSF this year requires a bit of explaining. I happened to go see the Dillinger Escape Plan a week ago, which is a dangerous prospect. I ended up with a broken wrist and a cast just in time for FPSF.

While I was standing at the ATM, a stranger jogged up to me, produced a Sharpie practically out of thin air, and signed "David" on my cast. He gave me a thumbs up and jogged away just as he had arrived. So here's a thumbs up back at you, David, wherever and whoever you are. COREY DEITERMAN


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