Not counting today, there are roughly 13 or 14 shopping days left until Christmas. In that spirit, this week's Friday Night Noise offers a rundown of the best ten noise recordings issued (or re-issued) in 2009 so that you, dear reader, can hook friends, family and despised co-workers up with the latest, finest brain-rot currently available on the underground market. Got your credit card handy? Yeah? Then let's roll: 1. Jason Crumer, Walk With Me (Misanthropic Agenda) Meticulously hypnotic, orchestral noise blooms that eliminate the need for laxatives. 2. Acidic Jews, Clean Rigs (self-released) Uglified shards of fused, blackended glass that are (for the most part) barely recognizable as music. We're as stymied about how Emmy Collins created these arsenic-laced tracks as you are. 3. Aaron Dilloway, Chain Shot (Hanson) A relentlessly looping-cum-loping - for real, this tour-de-furnace sucker seems to go on for hours, in the best possible sense of that phrase - swirl of clashing/crashing horns, sheet metal, and incidental industrial sounds that may make you wish you toiled in a warehouse or a factory instead of a soulless gray cubicle farm.
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4. Halflings, Self Esteem (RRRecords) This deeply enmetic disc will keep you on your toes even as it snatches off your socks; this duo can (and will) swing from creeping electro-static hiss to sweeping electro-static annihilation at the drop of a hat. 5. Nancy Garcia, Be The Climb (Ecstatic Peace!) Noise-rock and rock noise meet in an alley, spar ruthlessly, cooperatively burn down the Lower East Side of NYC.
6. John Wiese, Circle Snare (No Fun) A work that evolves from what sounds suspiciously like the scraping of jar lids being unscrewed into something mesmerizingly, stunningly intense. Recorded in Germany and Scandinavia, so watch out. 7. Ascites, Incisional Drainage (self-released) This onslaught of corsucating menace, nasty vibes and disturbing references to medical procedures may leave you with the shakes. 8. Rusted Shut, Dead (Load) An oncoming wall of punk-metal disdain that won't abate until you and everyone you love have been ground to viscera. 9. Telecult Powers, Twilight of the Oscillators (Temple of Pei) This slow-sizzling, sinkhole synth drone will have you convinced that you just dropped or smoked some incredible, primo shit. Did you? Are you really reading Friday Night Noise at this moment, or just hallucinating the experience? 10. YOGA, Megafauna (Holy Mountain) Too much reading under black lights, too many Xasthur disc, too many readings of Alice In Wonderland on acid. But it pays off. Apologies to Black Dice, Eric Copeland, Hive Mind, Newagehillbilly, Railcars, Yellow Tears, Sonic Suicide Squad and many, many others. You should totally buy their shit anyway. A question for y'all: what were your favorite noise albums of 2009? Got some hot Texas noise tips - or, hell, any noise tips - for FNN? Hit us up with MP3s or Web site links - but not MySpace links, seriously, because we can't access those at work and at home every spare moment is spoken for - at email@example.com.