"Don't tase me, bro," indeed.
"Don't tase me, bro," indeed.

Future Shock: the iTaser

"Nobody wants to get their ass beat to a sound track"

— Dave Chappelle

There's nothing more annoying than, after sending a potentially life-threatening bolt of electricity through someone, realizing you didn't have your radio tuned to something more appropriate, like the old-school Schoolhouse Rock hit "Electricity" or Curtis Mayfield's "Future Shock."



Luckily, as reported by the Guardian Unlimited, a stun gun/mp3 player was the hot topic at last week's annual Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. The iTaser, as it's been dubbed, is capable of giving perpetrators a 500,000-volt shock while the shocker enjoys a musical selection from the holster's one-gigabyte MP3 player.

From the Guardian:

Arizona-based Taser International sells the handheld stun guns under the rather hyperbolic banner of "Changing the World and Protecting Lives." It maintains that the iTaser "allows for both personal protection and personal music for people on the go.

"Personal protection can be both fashionable and functionable," according to Rick Smith, founder of the company, who also used CES to unveil a new Leopard-print Taser aimed at the more feminine arm of the stun-gun-loving community.

Man, we can't tell you how many times we've been embarrassed in a ill-lit parking garage because we pulled back our leopard-print blouse to reveal the highly clashing and outdated polka-dot holster — so 1999.

We've got some other ideas for Taser International. How about the iMac(e), a one-gig thumb-drive that doubles as a portable can of mace? Add this to your keychain, ladies, and you'll be the most tech-savvy gal in any sketchy dark alley. And ditch that rape whistle for the Motorola Rape-Zr. Its speakers, audible for a two-mile radius, will have potential stalkers too busy doing the Soulja Boy to violate you.

We're not sure if either the iTaser or these hypothetical gadgets will be a hit with the iGeneration. But we're guessing at least one local group, the Houston Police Department, won't be interested. After all, as San Francisco Saddle Creek duo Two Gallants know all too well, HPD uses its tasers to stop the music.


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