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Googlism with Houston Musicians, or Why Beyonce Is Stealing My Mojo

Have you ever played around with Googlism?

Here’s how the site, which is not affiliated with Google in any way, describes itself: “Googlism was created as a fun tool to see what Google ‘thinks’ of certain topics and people. Of course, the results are not really Google's opinion, they're yours, the web site owners of the world. Within the Google results are thousands of your thoughts and opinions about thousands of different topics, people, names, things and places, we simply search Google and let you know what website owners think about the name or topic you suggested.”

I decided to plug in the names of a few of the most prominent Houston musicians of the past few decades, and here’s what I got: a bunch of randomly generated lists of statements, that with only a little editing, could be transformed into Wesley Willis songs.

It’s much better than the Wesley Willis song generator at this, believe me.

Rock over H-Town, rock on Chicago!

CHINGO BLING

Chingo Bling is making big moves in the rap industry Chingo Bling is da shit now Chingo Bling is coming to a TV near you to kick Pokemon's ass

BILLY GIBBONS

Billy Gibbons is in the hizzouse Billy Gibbons is the first to lock into earth orbit Billy Gibbons is pretty much a legend in every ones book Billy Gibbons is not afraid to injest heavy sedatives and alcohol and dream up dirty Billy Gibbons is making you famous Billy Gibbons is like the most amazing guitarist Billy Gibbons is grooving to the cherry valence Billy Gibbons is a psycho madman for sure

BEYONCE

Beyonce is so damn fine Beyonce is a man shocker Beyonce is hot Beyonce is undeniable Beyonce is thick Beyonce is better than you could have dreamed of Beyonce is a Miss Universe candidate although all the band members could easily be on the cover of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue Beyonce is a hot piece of ass I swear it Beyonce or Britney? Beyonce is black is Britney? No Beyonce is dating Pharrell Beyonce is not dating Pharrell Beyonce is going to hook up with Justin Beyonce is it true that you snogged Justin Timberlake before Britney? Beyonce is making waves Beyonce is gonna be appearing on two shows Friday Beyonce is on the cover of the Dutch magazine Hit Krant Beyonce is on the cover of the September edition of Vibe Beyonce is on the cover of the September issue of Cosmo Girl magazine Beyonce is truly what's next Beyonce is due to join Cuba Gooding Jr in new romance flick The Fighting Temptations Beyonce is a spokesmodel for L'oreal Beyonce is busy entertaining the paparazzi as her mother stands close looking very proud Beyonce is stealing my mojo Beyonce is representing Houston Beyonce is a child of the ’70s Beyonce is very much into pastel colours and denim Beyonce is a caring and motherly like person and we are glad to have her around Beyonce is allergic to perfume and has a cat named after rapper Master P Beyonce is allergic to perfumes? Did you know?

BEYONCE II, WHEN HATERS STRIKE

Beyonce is imitating Kelis Beyonce is always the lead singer and she thinks she is the best singer in the group and she isn’t Beyonce is only 5'6 1/2 Beyonce is a slut Beyonce is truly one of the most horrid actors I've seen in a long time and spits out such vapid lines as "you under arrest Beyonce is a ugly weave wearing stuck up b*tch and she thinks that she is the bomb

TOWNES VAN ZANDT

Townes Van Zandt is the answer you were looking for Townes Van Zandt is the complete songwriters songwriter Townes Van Zandt is like taking a trip into the American landscape without leaving the comfort of your armchair Townes Van Zandt is the best songwriter in the whole world and I'll stand on Bob Dylan's coffee table in my cowboy boots and say that Townes Van Zandt is represented by a delightful fragment Townes Van Zandt is represented by the sea Townes Van Zandt is one of the few "cult" figures actually deserving of the mythology that has swirled up around him Townes Van Zandt is no longer such a well kept secret Townes Van Zandt is confined no more Townes Van Zandt is the best songwriter alive Townes Van Zandt is dead Townes Van Zandt is truly a far cry from dead

GUY CLARK

Guy Clark is livin' his dream Guy Clark is on tour Guy Clark is all about the words Guy Clark is a great live performer Guy Clark is in fine voice and his selections are some of his most powerful and memorable Guy Clark is an American original Guy Clark is the musical bridge that connects the western plains to the Gulf of Mexico Guy Clark is a national treasure Guy Clark is definitely one of those artists that make better music when they are at ease with life Guy Clark is a painter Guy Clark is what gives us a reason to hope when the Britneys and the hat singers have taken everything Guy Clark is part poet Guy Clark is far too eloquent a wordsmith to hang up the phone with a simple "no comment Guy Clark is the philosopher of tonight's duo Guy Clark is available in 2 different size fan edition prints and a special collector's edition print Guy Clark is still livin’ the dream

BLUE OCTOBER

Blue October is a quintet from Texas which includes two brothers Blue October is from England and plays a light Blue October is a local Austin band Blue October is a regional band from Houston releasing an album on Universal this December Blue October is the first art/mood rock band to hit the scene in houston Blue October is the coolest new modern rock band Blue October is an a plus for the rest of the people that say they are just okay Blue October is stronger than ever since being dropped from their Universal Records deal last winter Blue October is scheduled to perform with Flickerstick Blue October is the best band in the world bekuz they play reely good music

DEVIN THE DUDE

Devin the Dude is one of those rappers Devin the Dude is just trying ta live Devin the Dude is not new to "the scene” Devin the Dude is the best rapper you've never heard of Devin the Dude is about to see the light of day Devin the Dude is hip Devin the Dude is like icing

BUSHWICK BILL

Bushwick Bill is a notorious local celebrity Bushwick Bill is yellin' his ass off Bushwick Bill is and all about that glass eye he’s got Bushwick Bill is my all time favorite emcee Bushwick Bill is the shit Bushwick Bill is on the hunt with a 12 guage pump sending mother fuckers to the dump

CLINT BLACK

Clint Black is a geeky fan's best friend Clint Black is a big time country singer Clint Black is amazing Clint Black is among the celebrities who have signed a teddy bear up for bid in the siegfried and roy Clint Black is country Clint Black is ready Clint Black is entertaining our troops Clint Black is indeed quite a treat Clint Black is the personification of determination Clint Black is a Texas success for the entire world Clint Black is real country Clint Black is among the latest round of celebrities to sport a 'milk moustache' for the famous "got milk?" campaign Clint Black is covering Monty Python on the Austin City Limits Clint Black is going to be on the Opry on the night that I have tickets Clint Black is beginning to get old and so am I Clint Black is one of the grand old men of modern country music Clint Black is my wife Dana's all Clint Black is available Clint Black is used without permission

-- John Nova Lomax


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