Guess the Fake Death-Metal Band Names!
Well, it's just about that time of year again: the time when it turns dark and cold and everything that's good and green and living in Houston begins to wither and decay. Not due to the weather, obviously -- we ain't got but one season in this town. No, that creeping rot that you can smell faintly in the air comes not from autumn, but from the impending, annual arrival of Building Temples From Death Fest, the sickest, reeking death-metal congress yet known to our state.
These aren't "melodic" death metal bands, folks. There will be no deathcore. Building Temples From Death Fest (which would be, uh, BTFDF) plays host only to the truest of the true believers. Headlined by the brutal old-schoolers Internal Bleeding, this will be a day's worth of the metal that you still have to hide from your mom -- especially if you're an adult. The evil practitioners on display from noon 'til close at Fitz on Saturday still relish the genre's power to offend, pumping out ear-shattering thunder dripping with gruesome art and obscene lyrics.
If your hair isn't long enough to hang with the bad boys, don't fret (you may, however, grimace). You can get a taste of the death-metal action to come tomorrow simply by perusing the list of bands playing. Names like "Crypt Infection" and "Animals Killing People" should give you some sense of what you're missing. Heck, even if metal ain't your thing, the BTFDF flyer is still one of the most fun in the city to pick up: Trying to decipher the dozens of intricately scrawled band logos crammed on to it is about as entertaining a game as it gets between bands at your little Black Lips concert.
In fact, we played that very game last year, when Rocks Off readers tried to decrypt the logos for last year's BTFDF bands like Odiusembowel and Cemetery Rapist. Now, those band names are pretty strong, you'd agree, but this year, the BTFDF lineup seems to have upped their game significantly in the sickening moniker category. So in honor of the fest's fourth incarnation, we've got a different little game for you to enjoy.
Below, you'll find a description of five of the most brutal bands building temples this weekend. Your morbid task will be to pick out the real band name from the multiple choices we've provided. Only a true death metal fanatic should be able to tell the real deal from the dumb shit that we made up. Are you up to the challenge?
Remember, no Googling or consulting Satanic oracles. That's for poseurs! See how many you can correctly identify using only the hints and your gut(s):
1. The name of this brutal Las Vegas outfit's first full-length was Reek of Pubescent Despoilment, which we assume smells something like CK One.
A. Intrinsic Decay B. Malformed Pubis C. Guttural Secrete D. Violent Abomination E. Urinary Tract Dissection
2. This troupe, formed in 2012, filled its recent full-length Interspecies Bondage with unintelligible lyrics detailing ritual gore and kinky sex. Fun!
A. Nephrectomy B. Catastrophic Prolapse C. Assgape D. Transvaginal Mesh E. Living Taxidermy
3. This local squad recently released a new song from their upcoming full-length, entitled "Charred Twat Delicacy." Pass the A1 Sauce, am I right?
A. Human Chunks B. Milky Discharge C. Godless Compulsion D. Entropic Brain Atrophy E. Feminized Vivisection
4. This duo, which released the aptly titled LP Depths of Obscurity two years ago, is from Smithtown, New York. In fact, they're the only band we've ever heard of from Smithtown, New York, which sounds like a perfectly lovely town.
A. Pruned Foreskin B. Conjoined Sodomy C. Putrid Reanimation D. Splattered Entrails E. Missing Eyelids
5. Proving that the obsessive love of gore isn't limited to a single gender, the lovely and talented Mallika Sundaramurthy serves as the mega-brutal singer for this New England quintet. Plus, they're totally the only band at the fest with "parasitic" in their name.
A. Parasitic Copulation B. Parasitic Psychosis C. Parasitic Concubine D. Parasitic Extirpation E. Parasitic Ejaculation
How did you do?
Answers on the next page.
1. C, Guttural Secrete
2. A, Nephrectomy
3. A, Human Chunks
4. D, Splattered Entrails
5. D, Parasitic Extirpation, and PSYCH! Parasitic Ejaculation is also TOTALLY on the Building Temples From Death Fest lineup, too! There will be so many parasites! See you Saturday.
Twenty-one horrific bands play Building Temples From Death Fest this Saturday beginning at noon at Fitzgerald's, 2706 White Oak. Tickets are $30 at the door.
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