Rocks Off: Speaking of history, the government shutdown just ended in Washington. Seems like that might have been a prime opportunity for GWAR to step in and sexually enslave the U.S. populace. What stopped you?
Oderus Urungus: Only the fact that we were on the other side of the country at the time, doing our tour. I mean, we were sexually enslaving the populace over on this side at the time!
I'd hoped that the shutdown would last 'til the very last day of the tour, which just so happens to be in Washington, D.C. The government shutdown began the first day of the tour, and if it could've ended with our last show, it would've been wonderful. But it didn't! So I guess I'm fucked again!
RO: Have you given any thought to disemboweling Texas Senator Ted Cruz? OU: Oh yeah, we'll be down that way, too, won't we? Hmm. Yeah, he's a political fuck. We kind of got away from politics this time. We figured they were doing a good enough job making idiots out of themselves. It's more about pop stars, mutants and religious figures.
RO: Must be hard to tell them apart! Another recent news item is the massive online petition to have GWAR play halftime at the Super Bowl. Were you surprised to learn that the Super Bowl was not, in fact, a gigantic toilet? OU: No, I knew that already. I was surprised when I first learned that, but that was a while ago! The fucking Super Bowl is this whole thing. I think the entire world could sign a petition and we would still not be allowed to play. But the thing is, we don't need a petition to play at the fucking Super Bowl. If GWAR wanted to play at the fucking Super Bowl, GWAR would play at the fucking Super Bowl!
And we wouldn't just play at the halftime show, we would actually play the Super Bowl. We would destroy the teams, we would destroy the coaches, we would destroy the umpires! Then, we would let all those crummy pop stars that they've been forcing down your throat sing: We'd let 'em beg! We'd let 'em beg for their lives before they went through the motherfucking meat-grinder!
And once we were done killing all of them, then we'd set upon the crowd! We wouldn't stop until we'd raised a 300-foot tall living, undead golem of famed meth cook Walter White, who would leap into the sky and vomit his trademark Blue Crystal all over the streets of your soon-to-be completely blissed-out world!
RO: You know, Houston is set to host the Super Bowl in 2017. Might be the ideal time to set upon the masses of football fans. The last time we had the Super Bowl here, Janet Jackson bared her nipple. Have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction onstage? OU: Well, considering that I'm about 90 percent nude, no. A wardrobe malfunction would be, like, me actually wearing clothes, and that never happens. I don't think it could happen. I mean, I've received damage to my armor before... I guess that's the closest thing to a malfunction: battle damage.
Interview continues on the next page.
RO: Speaking of armor and attire, Halloween is coming up. It's a time of the year when grown-ups like to put on silly costumes and play with fake blood. Is it just me, or does that seem slightly ridiculous to you, too? OU: Oh, absolutely. When you wear medieval war suits and play with real blood every single day of your fucking life, Halloween is kind of... I mean, I guess it's fun for the humans. They don't get to do this for a living. It's that one day that they can be like their monstrous heroes, GWAR!
And I won't take that away from them. But it doesn't give me any great desire to dress up like anything. I already look great! I don't think putting a costume on me would change a thing about that. But, I do have a very good Heisenberg suit, so I may change into human form and do my best Walter White.
RO: Excellent. Well, Oderus, to wrap up: Will GWAR ever end, or is Earth destined to suffer under your rule for all time? OU: For all time! GWAR is eternal; I've always stated this. It will never, never, ever end, just as sure as West Side Story is playing on Broadway tonight!
GWAR devastates Warehouse Live Thursday night with openers Whitechapel, Iron Reagan and A Band of Orcs. Doors open at 6:30 p.m.
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