It's barely a week into 2010, and we still find ourselves writing 2009 on invoices and checks. We can't seem to shake that last quasi-awful year out of our heads. It seemed like one of the most interminable years we had ever had the bittersweet pleasure to find ourselves mired in. Little wonder that we now find the time to come up with resolutions for the year ahead.
You may be asking now why we didn't start enacting our new rules on the first morning of January, but you were probably not in the shape we were. We remember waking up in a heap of denim and sweat, with a mysterious Bump-It in our jacket pocket and the aching need to drink a gallon of water and claw out our eyes.
When we finally made it home we ended up vomiting near the front of our car, just in time for a little tike learning how to ride his brand new Christmas present to wheel past us with his mother in tow. Needless to say, we probably won't be getting many knocks on our door when the Boy Scouts start selling popcorn and whatnot for their annual fundraiser.
That midmorning made us realize that something had to change in 2010. Honestly, we don't think of the real year beginning until after the Super Bowl. In essence we have until the second weekend in February to get our proverbial shit together. All you people waking up on January 1 to run and start making smoothies are jumping the gun.
We picked out five songs that should lead us in a new direction, not so much the right direction but at least another direction from the one we had been on course for in 2009. The first words we uttered in 2010 weren't "Happy New Year!" they were actually "I can't stop living like this"... or "Moving my hips like yeah," depending on who you ask.
"Money," Pink Floyd
We need to start getting more of this shit in 2010. Being a thirsty starving artist is fine and all, but we wouldn't mind being able to afford something at Anvil every now and then instead of holing up at Cecil's on Monday nights throwing dollars down like we are at Fantasy North.
"I Wanna Sex You Up," Color Me Badd
It's at least admirable to want to sex something else other than ourselves, right? It's really about caring about other people and not yourself. We aren't saying we want to sex someone else up, or that we want someone to sex us up. We just want to sex you up. We aren't made of stone.
"Stop," Ryan Adams & the Cardinals
2010 is probably the year we also stop smoking cigarettes. We thought about how expensive a pack is coupled in with how bad we feel bumming them at parties and shows. Also if you smoke a whole pack in one night and then go to the gym the next day, you don't exactly look all shredded like on all the infomercials. But we are planning on taking up dipping tobacco, so we aren't all that saintly. What chick doesn't dig a spit cup?
"Disconnect" Rollins Band
Another resolution we came up with is to shut the fuck up sometimes, turn off the Internet and put our phone away. We realized the other day that we passed 3,000 tweets around Christmastime and there are about three pictures of us from this past holiday season with us looking at our cell phones instead of talking to loved ones and friends. A lesser person might say, "Maybe your loved ones and friends are boring as shit."
"Call Me," Blondie
We have a bad habit of not answering the phone when it rings. Sometimes we just sit and stare at the bitch while we listen to our Metallica ring tone. It's not that we don't want to talk to anyone, it's just that sometimes we don't feel like using our mouths to talk. Hit us up on text or Google Chat. If only they had a thing on our phones that dictated text messages in real time to people. That's a million-dollar idea.
