He Went for It on the First Date. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
MY MOM TALKED BAD ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK
Dear Willie D:
I'm a 23-year-old female who lives at home with my mom. She has always supported me and encouraged me by saying the regular things like, "You're so smart, and I'm proud of you." But yesterday at home, I overheard her tell her friend on the phone that I'm a big disappointment.
Shocked and hurt, I stayed in my room and cried all night. She has been trying to be nice to me. She keeps asking me what's wrong, but I just tell her nothing to make her go away. I don't know how to feel about our relationship now. I feel as though my whole life with her has been a lie. I want to tell her how she hurt me, but I also want to move away from her and never speak to her again.
Please tell me what to do to get through this?
Shocked and Hurt:
Tell your mother what you heard, and give her a chance to explain herself. It's possible that she was referencing a single event that happened when she called you a big disappointment. If that's the case, at the worst it was a poor choice of words and you shouldn't measure one gaffe against a lifetime of proper guidance and support.
She's always been there for you, so give her the benefit of doubt. Sometimes we experience flawed judgment because we jump to conclusions rather than opening our minds and allowing them to come naturally.
I HATE GUYS WHO TRY TO HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE
Dear Willie D:
I just came off a first date with a guy friend who I met through my cousin. This one was supposed to be different. He is a lawyer, so I figured he had a certain amount of couth, being that he spends a lot of time in affluent company and around beautiful women. I met him at a jazz club where we danced, and had great conversation.
We also had a couple of drinks, but nothing to cause either of us to act outside of our character. As the date concluded, he walked me to my car, and was a perfect gentleman until the last moment. When he asked could he follow me to my house for a nightcap, it knocked the wind out of the imaginary sail I had created of the evening.
I'm 32 years old and I still don't get men. Why are men so anxious to get into a girl's pants when taking it slow is much more attractive?
All guys want sex, whether it's the first date, one hundredth date or no date. However, a discerning man knows how to exercise the art of patience. Don't get into your feelings if a guy doesn't come on to you on the first date; believe me, he wants to. It doesn't mean he's desperate if he does. It just means he's a man, and that's what we do.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
Dear Willie D:
I read the advice you gave to a reader about budgeting for her wedding, and was truly impressed. You are wise beyond your gender -- no pun intended. I'm turning 21 in a few months, and want to do something fun and exciting with my friends. I would like to have a party, but a party is not mandatory. It just has to be fun and exciting.
It also needs to be something memorable that won't break the bank. What do you suggest?
It's hard to go wrong hosting your birthday party at the swankiest nightclub in the city. Reserve a section in the club complete with bottle service, assuming you drink, and invite your sexiest friends. If alcohol is not your thing, lose the bottles and let your friends order whatever they like -- as long as they're paying. Most clubs offer birthday discounts and will let your guests enter free.
If you're the outdoors type, you could plan a weekend getaway and rent a cabin to go hiking, canoeing, jet-skiing, fishing, kayaking and other fun stuff. To save money, instead of paying for activities all the time, you could offset the cost by bringing playing cards and board games for your guests to enjoy when the conversation slows down. Have some wine, cheese and other finger foods on deck.
I saw on Facebook where one girl did a Post-it message wall. She had all of her guests write messages about her on a sheet of art paper. It gave the guests something else to do, and served as a nice piece of decoration. If you decide to hit the bar, and you're not the type who likes being in the mix or having drunken strangers bump into you all night, and can create your own fun, consider taking your party to a chic club that's not so hot.
You can control the atmosphere better. Since your guests will account for a large percentage of the club's business for the night, the staff will be more grateful and attentive. If you can't decide on a place, club-hop. That'll give you a chance to get used to flashing your ID and letting everybody know you're all the way legal now. Happy birthday, and don't do anything I would do.
EATING IN PUBLIC BOTHERS ME
Dear Willie D:
I don't like going out to eat in public. The main reason is I hate having to be deliberately nice to waitresses and waiters just so they won't give me the "special sauce." Another thing that irks me about public eating is how loud some people are.
When I'm chopping into a medium-rare tenderloin, the last thing I want to hear is some pompous cow-farm expert trying to impress his bimbo date by telling her what goes on in the slaughterhouse before my filet mignon reaches my table [that actually happened].
Because of my lack of interest in public eating, my girlfriend and I are at odds. What can I say or do to get her to see things my way?
Tell her the slaughterhouse story.
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