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Heavy Fuel: How to Drink Like a Rock Star

Kinda like this but not at all.
Kinda like this but not at all.

If you want to be a real rock star, you can go ahead and forget about those Red Bull and vodkas you're so fond of. Legit rockers are fueled by bigger, harder and flat-out weirder doses of alcohol than the mere mortals hitting on the bartender at your local watering hole. Sure, a few of our musical heroes will gladly down any bottle that happens to be within reach.

Some rock stars, however, prefer to refine and perfect their booze intake, settling on a signature cocktail that suits their outsized personalities and consequence-free lifestyles. Rocks Off salutes these excessive musical titans with the following examination of rock and roll's greatest drinkers -- and the drinks they made famous.

Sammy Hagar's Waborita

Outside of music, the Red Rocker is best known for two things: his alarming inability to drive under 56 mph, and his incredible love of tequila. Sammy turned his passion into a cash cow in 1999, when he began distributing the tequila served in his Cabo-San Lucas cantina. Turns out, it was a pretty good move -- in 2007, Hagar sold his majority interest in Cabo Wabo Tequila for a cool $80 million. The guy could probably buy Van Halen at this point, but it's possible that he's simply too wasted off of his signature Waboritas to bother. Sam likes the drink so much, in fact, that he named his backing band after it.

Ingredients: 3 ounces of Cabo Wabo tequila 1 ounce of fresh lime juice 1 ounce of Cointreau 1 splash of Grand Marnier

Directions: Combine ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake vigorously in headbanging motion, then strain and pour into a salt-rimmed margarita glass. Richly ignore those claiming David Lee Roth's cocktail tasted fresher.

Marilyn Manson's Antichrist Sipperstar

For a shock-rock icon like Marilyn Manson, Coors Light just ain't gonna cut it. The former Brian Warner found the perfect beverage to suit his image and tastes in absinthe, the potent, anise-flavored spirit believed by dudes in your dorm to cause powerful hallucinations. Reportedly, it's the only booze Manson will touch these days, but that could just be marketing hype for his very own brand of the stuff: Mansinthe. If you're curious to try it, be careful. Perhaps by design, it's reputed to taste like the Devil's piss.

Ingredients: 1 ounce of Mansinthe absinthe 1 ounce of water juice of 1 lemon 2 teaspoons of egg white 1 dash of bitters 1 drop of pig's blood

Directions: Combine ingredients in cocktail shaker. Shake thoroughly with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Apply black lipstick before drinking. Following consumption, smash glass and cut into own abdomen. Paint disturbing self-portrait in blood.

Lemmy's Tennessee Overkill

When he's not onstage fronting Motorhead, it's rare to find rock god Lemmy Kilmister without a cigarette in one hand and a Jack and Coke in the other. For decades, Lemmy has been a fixture at the Rainbow in L.A., downing one Jack Daniel's cocktail after another while racking up points on the Megatouch machine. It's a strong-yet-sweet cocktail that's both common and iconic, befitting the man himself.

Ingredients: 3 ounces of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey 2 ounces of Coca-Cola

Directions: Pour whiskey over ice into dirty bar glass. Add Coke. Garnish with butt of Marlboro Red. Imbibe continuously for 45 years.

Heavy Fuel: How to Drink Like a Rock Star
Photo by groovehouse

Rihanna's Jameson & Ginger

Red hair, loves Jameson... anybody ever consider that Rihanna might be Irish? Whatever her true heritage, RihRih has been plenty outspoken about her love of Irish whiskey. She even payed tribute to the hooch in song, suggesting that we all "Let the Jameson sink in" on the track "Cheers (Drink to That)" from her Loud album. In fact, Rocks Off has a theory that her whiskey addiction may be the root issue behind her ever-increasing number of fugly tattoos.

Ingredients: 2 ounces of Jameson Irish Whiskey Seagram's Ginger Ale 1 lime wedge

Directions: Fill highball glass halfway with ice. Add whiskey and top off with ginger ale. Stir. Squeeze lime into beverage and drop in wedge. Add cocktail umbrella-ella-ella.

Motley Crue's Kickstop My Heart

Motely Crue's autobiography, The Dirt, is chock-a-block with insane tales of drink, drugs and debauchery. One of the most memorable revelations from the band's darkest days included terrifying goofballs Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee, on at least one occasion, injecting pure Jack Daniel's into their veins after running out of drugs. Don't bother to ask why -- there's no reason that could possibly make sense. "Like what the fuck, we can just drink it," Lee would later say, in what passes for a moment of clarity for that guy.

Ingredients: 20 cc of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey 1 splash of rubbing alcohol 1 full serving of drug-induced insanity

Directions: Fully embrace drug-induced insanity. Soak cotton ball in rubbing alcohol and swab injection site. Draw whiskey into syringe. Expel air from vessel. Tie off with rubber tubing. Administer full dosage of whiskey intravenously. Lie down and pray for sweet release of death.

 

Heavy Fuel: How to Drink Like a Rock Star

Janis Joplin's Highball 'n Chain

It might have been heroin that did Janis in, but her most famous vice was Southern Comfort. Whether onstage or off, a fifth of SoCo rarely strayed from her reach. For Port Arthur's sainted Pearl, the Louisiana liqueur served as a beatnik trapping, a security blanket and, occasionally, as a weapon. In the book Break On Through: The Life and Death of Jim Morrison, producer Paul Rothchild related a tale of Janis fending off the boorish advances of a shithoused Lizard King by cracking him over the skull with her trusty SoCo bottle. Janis was our kind of woman, and Southern Comfort served straight-up was her kind of drink.

Ingredients: 2 ounces of Southern Comfort 1 ounce of bourbon 1 ounce of Dr Pepper

Directions: Place two ice cubes in an old-fashioned glass. Add ingredients and stir. Refill beverage until voice sounds awesome.

Michael Jackson's Jesus Juice

2004 was not a pretty year for the King of Pop. After the singer had been charged administering an intoxicating agent with intent to commit a felony (such as, say, child molestation), Vanity Fair reported in March that Jackson referred to white wine as "Jesus juice" and red wine as "Jesus blood" and that he often drank both out of soda cans to conceal his alcohol consumption. Jackson went on to beat the charges, but given the superstar's secretive and not-terribly-sane lifestyle, the Jesus juice story became a permanent fixture in the pantheon of rumors surrounding him.

Ingredients: 1 12-ounce can of Pepsi 10 ounces of white Burgundy ½ ounce of Sugar in the Raw

Directions: Drain Pepsi from can. Using funnel, pour chilled Burgundy into empty can. Add sugar to taste and stir. Serve with drinking straw.

Dimebag Darrel's Black Tooth Grin

Texas' powergroove titans, Pantera, were as hard-drinking a band as ever walked the earth. Though each of the group's four members has spent a good chunk of his life wasted out of his mind, only the late, great guitarist Dimebag Darrel ever had the creative impulse to invent and name his own cocktail. Named from a lyric in the Megadeth song "Sweating Bullets," the Black Tooth is a drink that only an alcoholic with nightly access to a full tour rider's worth of booze would concoct. Much like its originator, the cocktail is simple and powerful with a splash of sweetness. Fans still guzzle them by the bucketful on the anniversary of Dime's murder.

Ingredients: 1 ounce of Seagram's 7 whiskey 1 ounce of Crown Royal Canadian whiskey 1 splash of Coca-Cola

Directions: Pour Seagram's into open mouth. Pour Crown Royal into open mouth. Add splash of Coke. Swish cocktail around in mouth wildly; swallow. Getcha pull.

DJ Screw's Purp-purple Dran-drank

Few artists are as identified with a specific cocktail than Houston's legendary DJ Screw. Screw's muse wasn't booze. Instead, he found his inspiration in a potent beverage known (among other names) as purple drank. The effects of this cough syrup-based concoction, well known in these parts, heavily influenced Screw's slowed-down, psychedelic mixtapes, spawning a new sound that changed Southern hip-hop forever. Sadly, they also destroyed the man. The patron saint of Houston rap passed away from a codeine overdose in 2000. Though Screw's legacy lives on, take caution: Purple drank can put even the trillest of Gs in the ground.

Ingredients: 3 ounces of Promethazine with codeine cough syrup 8 ounces of Sprite 3 Jolly Rancher candies (grape)

Directions: Fill Styrofoam cup with crushed ice. Add cough syrup and Sprite. Mix thoroughly. Add Jolly Ranchers to taste and sip slowly. Pop in your grey cassette. Turn up your fuckin' deck.

John Bonham's Quadrophonic Breakfast

Led Zeppelin's John Bonham was born to play the drums. He was also born to drink. On the day he died, Bonham stopped off for breakfast on his way to rehearsal and managed to consume four quadruple vodkas. After drinking heavily all day and night, Bonham was carried up to bed in Jimmy Page's house, where, passed out cold, he asphyxiated on his own vomit. Rocks Off highly recommends you never try this deadly signature cocktail, even as part of a balanced breakfast. Unless you're, like, a REALLY big Zeppelin fan, of course.

Ingredients: 16 ounces of Smirnoff vodka

Directions: Fill four cocktail glasses with ice. Pour four ounces of vodka into each glass. Consume rapidly in succession. Add vomit. Ascend stairway to heaven.


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