His Teacher Called My Son a Loser. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo courtesy of Peter Beste
HIS TEACHER CALLED MY SON A LOSER
Dear Willie D:
My 9-year-old son's teacher called him a loser. It all started when the class was divided into groups to work on a science project and my son's classmate asked the teacher a question. Not satisfied with the answer, my son basically challenged the teacher's knowledge of the procedure to use in determining whether a car toy can measure magnet strength and that's when the students say she told him, "Shut up loser!"
World Famous Gospel Brunch
TicketsSun., Oct. 2, 1:30pm
Mas Musica! featuring La Gusana Ciega, Porter, Siddhartha
TicketsSun., Oct. 2, 6:00pm
Nothing But Thieves presented by Ones To Watch
TicketsSun., Oct. 2, 7:00pm
Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats
TicketsMon., Oct. 3, 7:00pm
THALIA - Latina Love Tour
TicketsMon., Oct. 3, 8:00pm
Granted, my son can be a royal pain in the butt sometimes when his baby Einstein-like genius is on display, he's still a kid with feelings. He called me crying because he was so embarrassed.
The teacher was suspended, but I want her job. If she said something as cruel as that to my kid, imagine how many more she's done something similar to. She doesn't deserve to work around kids. How do you feel about me pursuing this further?
Your son sounds like me when I was in grade school. I used to learn things at home with the sole purpose of going to school to challenge my teachers' knowledge of the subject. I wanted to show them up. Now why would I do that? Well -- I did it for attention.
The teacher was wrong, but your son needs to learn when to stand up, and when to stand down. Teachers, as with others in authoritative positions like cops, have feelings too. A student might earn a 69 in a subject, but because he or she doesn't cause problems the teacher may pass him or her with a 70. A driver might get pulled over for speeding, but because he accepted responsibility and didn't try to BS the officer or argue, will get let go with a warning. It's called not outshining the master.
Unless there's documented evidence that the teacher has a history of talking down to children, I don't think I would go after her job. For her to be the ruler of her classroom, and be kicked out of it is embarrassing enough and very humbling. Trust me, she's learned her lesson.
CALLING TOO MANY TIMES FOR A JOB
Dear Willie D:
I applied for a manager's position at an electronics store, and the day manager said he would call me back, but he never did. Since the store is near my house I stopped by on the way home the other day. The place was really busy, so I tried to stay out of the way. I think the manager noticed me because he nodded his head as if to speak.
I stood around for like 20 minutes trying to get a chance to talk to him before I finally left. Do you think I should give him a call or just continue to wait? It's been three weeks since I filled out my application.
I would not advise you to wait on anyone to get your money. Give the manager a call, and in the meantime use any spare time to fill out additional applications. Don't ever put all your eggs in one basket unless you only have one egg.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
Dear Willie D:
I have been dating my boyfriend for about six months. He treats me good, and is great with my son from a previous relationship. Recently we were having intercourse and he called me his ex-girlfriend's name. He immediately apologized, but the damage was done. I told him to get off of me, put on my clothes, and left his house.
As soon as I got into my car I called him to let him have it. I asked him was he having sex with his ex and he said no. I don't know whether to believe him or not. If he isn't sleeping with her, why would he say her name while having sex with me?
Say My Name:
Memories of ex-lovers don't just vanish overnight. I've never called a girlfriend by an ex-girlfriend's name while making love, or otherwise, but I was once at a house party and inadvertently called a friend's new girlfriend by the name of his ex-wife.
It doesn't mean that I preferred the ex over his current girlfriend. It was a subconscious slip of the tongue because I was so used to associating the ex-wife with him. The guy treats you good, and is great with your son from another man. I can see how your feelings may be hurt, but I don't think you want to throw it all away behind an apparent gaffe. You've only been dating him for six months. Now if he's still calling you her name after six years, that's when you should be worried.
I MAY HAVE MADE A MISTAKE CHEATING ON MY FIANCE
Dear Willie D:
I recently broke off the engagement to my fiancé of five years because I've lost myself along the way, and need to focus on figuring out who I am for a while. What my fiancé doesn't know is that I also cheated on him with a former coworker who I've had intense feelings with for quite some time.
My coworker and I met back in 2011 after he had just ended a long-term relationship, moved back home, and started working for the nonprofit I was managing. We developed a connection almost immediately. After some time I eventually gave in to my desires that I had been harboring for so long.
It was the sweetest escape. I felt comfortable giving in to his power, and also so nervous at the same time. I went back home to my fiancé that night. I knew that I could not be with him a minute longer. I sat my fiancé down to let him know that I was leaving the relationship to pursue my independence.
I wanted to be honest and tell him that I cheated, but the words would not come past the tip of my tongue. I was afraid that he would perceive my leaving as a statement against his adequacy as a sexual partner. That was just not the case. I cheated because of lust and infatuation, not because my fiancé couldn't please me sexually.
Anyway, now this thing with my coworker has put immense pressure on me. What used to be fun, playful, brainy chatter is now awkward silence when we are together. I don't know how to act around him at all, and I feel the same from him. When we were both attached to other people, we could say exactly what was on our minds without fear of judgment. It's like I now feel the need to impress him with my charm and wit so much that it's debilitating.
I think I know the answer to my question; however I have always admired your opinion. Willie D, what do you think?
The reason there was no fear of judgment between you and your coworker when you were both attached to other people was because there was no commitment to each other. When you're not in a committed relationship you don't have the obligation that restricts freedom of action. You can do whatever you want to do and if the person you're seeing don't like it, so what?
The awkward silence in your relationship with your coworker could be that other than sex, you really don't have anything in common. Your relationship was built on lust, not love. Love is a force of nature; it is patient, kind, and unselfish. Lust is diametrically opposite.
You seem to be in a sad spiral of avoidance. Try to figure out what it is your heart genuinely wants, and apply your actions accordingly. The results we get are determined by the energy we put out.
PREVIOUSLY ON ASK WILLIE D
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
ROCKS OFF'S GREATEST HITS
Get the Music Newsletter
Keep your thumb on the local music scene each week with music news, trends, artist interviews and concert listings. We'll also send you special ticket offers and music deals.