I Accidentally Slept With My Friend's Girl. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
I'M THINKING OF LEAVING MY BORING HUSBAND
Dear Willie D:
I have three kids and a husband who worships the ground I walk on. I love him, but I don't want to be married to him anymore. He does all of the right things: provides, treats me right and is a great father. I'm just not attracted to him anymore. After I got pregnant one year removed from high school we got married right away and went about the business of starting a life together forever.
The problem is I never got a chance to get out and explore other options. I just jumped into a lifetime commitment with the first man who was put in front of me. Sometimes I see other guys who I'm attracted to and I want to have sexual encounters with them, but I resist because of my marital status. I'm tired of living this lie. It's not fair to him or me. I just can't help but wonder that I'm missing out on something greater in life.
Whenever I tell my husband about my feelings he tells me that we can work it out, or he tries to get me to go with him to see a counselor for couples therapy. My family members and friends always tell me how lucky I am to have him, but I don't feel lucky -- I feel trapped. I'm wondering if you have any advice that could push me in the direction that I should go in deciding what to do?
Let me get this straight. Your husband is not stepping out on you; he doesn't mistreat you; he's not a dope fiend or an alcoholic; he's not a deadbeat dad; he doesn't avoid his financial responsibilities; and he's not an axe murderer, but you want to leave him because basically you're bored? If you think the grass is greener on the other side, you're in for a rude awakening. I was going to say what about the kids, but the kids don't matter because you have your mind made up and you can't help how you feel.
Hopefully after you get out there and live it up some, you'll come to your senses and realize that life is not one big party. You will be hard-pressed to find a man respectful of a woman who broke up her family because she wanted to try something new. Do you know how hard it is to find someone who is willing to love you unconditionally? You better pray like hell that when you go crawling back to your husband [and you will] that he is available -- and still wants you.
Lord, what is the world coming to? You can't make this stuff up. I only wish I could be shocked.
SHOULD I JOIN THE MILITARY?
Dear Willie D:
I just turned 28 and I'm expecting a daughter in the next three months. I recently have been thinking about joining the Navy or Air Force. I know my family will be taken care of, but I'm having mixed views about it.
My dad and mom are excited but my close friends are saying don't do it. I want my daughter to have a better childhood than I had, but I don't want to miss out on important moments. I need your advice?
It depends on how bad you want to be a soldier. It sounds like to me your reason for wanting to join the military is strictly financial. Considering that and your desire to personally witness the life milestones of your unborn daughter, the best move for you would be to forego military duty and pursue a civilian career.
Your parents may not like it, but they have lived their lives. It is time for you to do you.
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Dear Willie D:
I've been having sex with my friend's girlfriend for about a month now. It all started when I met her in the hospital waiting room while he was a patient. He had to be rushed to the emergency room after his heart stopped beating due to sudden cardiac arrest, which left him on life support for several days.
At first it was strictly a platonic thing. But after spending hours upon hours talking about everything from relationships to college mascots we begin to build a bond. I found myself fascinated by her and we started planning our arrival to the hospital at the same time. Then we started going to get food together.
On one of our trips back from the restaurant we accidentally made out inside my car in the hospital parking garage. I feel bad for betraying my friend, but I just couldn't deny myself the pleasure of tasting the forbidden fruit. I really like this girl, but I know having a relationship with her is probably out of the question due to the circumstances in which we met. What do you think?
You accidentally drop your cell phone; you don't accidentally have sex. Having sex with your friend's girlfriend under any condition is foul, but while he's lying up in a hospital fighting for his life? That's cold. Besides the gutter, I don't see the relationship going anywhere else. But on the other hand hooking up might not be a bad idea.
One thing is neon-clear: you two deserve each other.
I'M NOT AS EXCITED ABOUT MY SECOND BABY AS I WAS MY FIRST
Dear Willie D:
When my husband and I welcomed our first baby into the world, we were so excited that we couldn't contain ourselves. We went all out in decorating and child-proofing the house. We took Lamaze classes. I read over a dozen books on childbirth and parenting. I worked out and rubbed cocoa butter on my stomach daily to prevent stretch marks.
Now that my second child is on the way, I feel guilty for not being as pumped up. I don't know if it's because I have so much going on with transferring my job and moving into a new house, or if it's a case of me not wanting the baby at all. I wonder will I ever be able to love this child as much as I do the one I already have. Is this what having a second child is supposed to feel like?
What you are experiencing seems perfectly normal to me for a woman carrying her second child. After you have the first child, the second time around is a bit anticlimactic. It doesn't mean you love the new baby any less; it's just that the newness of being a parent for the first time has worn off.
You're just stressed out because you're pregnant and you're going through major changes in your personal life. There's a lot on your plate right now. After the baby arrives I suspect that you'll feel differently, and you will grow to love your new baby just as much as you do the one you have now.
Congratulations, try not to stress, and enjoy your little ones.
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