I Didn't Mean to Say "I Love You." Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY I LOVE YOU
Dear Willie D:
This girl that I kick it with and I were having sex. When she told me that she loved me, because I was caught up in the moment I replied with my own not so true declaration and told her I loved her back. Now I feel like I'm in a committed relationship even though neither of us has confirmed anything. Since that night she tells me I love you all the time and I feel compelled to respond by telling her I love her also.
Even though I don't mean it I say it anyway or else it just feels awkward. How do I get her to back off, and take it slow without coming off as a jerk? I don't want to lead her on.
Never tell a girl you love her unless you mean it; I don't care how badly you want to hump her bones. A woman might want to fool around, but once she says I love you she means it, and she's no longer interested in fooling around. She wants to be in a committed relationship. If you can envision yourself with her in the future, tell your friend that you like her but as far as being in love you're just not there yet.
If you don't see yourself in a monogamous relationship with her at any time be upfront about that also. She'll be hurt, but the pain will be shorter lived and she'll respect you more for being honest. You have dug yourself a deep hole, and the only way to crawl out of it is to claw your way to the truth.
I WANT A KIDS-FREE MAN
Dear Willie D:
I'm a 30-year old woman with no kids who's trying to find a quality man over thirty who doesn't have any kids. The reason I don't want a man with kids is because of baby mama drama, which I don't do. Every man I have ever dated who has kids has problems with the kids' mother, and many of them have child support issues or their kids have emotional concerns.
If you have any ideas on where I can meet a single kids-free man I would be very grateful. Just point me in the direction, and I'll take it from there.
I can't say that I blame you for not wanting to date a man who has children. Children are generally wonderful. It's the parents who create the drama and dump it at the foot of their new partners. At the moment I don't know of an exclusive place where you can go to meet a single kids-free man. I would assume they congregate amongst the rest of us.
Quality men over thirty that doesn't have kids are out there, but they're scarce. Just continue to live: Go shopping, join a gym, stop by the post office, attend parties, and social events and you'll meet him.
In the meantime here's something to consider: When you do find that kids-free man and he knocks you up there's about a fifty percent chance that it won't work out. How will you feel when the roles are reversed and no guy will won't to come near you because you have three kids sitting on your lap?
MY SISTER GOT FIRED BECAUSE SHE IS BATTLING CANCER
Dear Willie D:
After working for the same company for 17 years my sister was laid off. Her supervisor wasn't even woman enough to tell her in person. Instead she called her on the phone and told her that because she has missed too many days she would have to let her go until her condition significantly improves.
Mind you, this conversation is going on as we're in my car returning from chemo. My sister was also told that she would not be paid for days missed. Is this even legal? How can people be so cruel?
Returning from Chemo:
If your sister used up all of her work days her boss was well within her rights to lay her off without pay. Employers are under no obligation to pay employees who cannot produce for the company regardless of circumstances. I don't know what your sister employer's company finances look like. Maybe they needed someone to fill her position and couldn't afford to give her a free check.
Calling someone on the phone to fire them while they're suffering from a deadly disease is as low down as it gets. I don't see how people like that sleep at night. When my Uncle Ernest was at home sick with cancer, his longtime bosses, the owners of Textool Co. in Houston, Dave Prescott and Louie Wiess paid him his full wages every week for over a year until he died.
The money helped my uncle continue to proudly provide for himself and his wife in his last days, thus proving that a little compassion goes a long ways. They don't make them like Dave and Louie anymore - Uncle Ernest either.
I'M SCARED TO DEATH OF MY DAUGHTER DRIVING
Dear Willie D:
I have a 16-year-old daughter who is weeks away from getting her driver's license. I understand that driving is a rite of passage for teens, but I got to tell you it is scary turning over the keys to a two ton machine with speeds up to 120 miles per hour to your teenage daughter.
I know you have raised a 16-year old before so I'm hoping you can give me some tips on what you did to cope with your daughter driving.
I started giving my daughter personal driving lessons two years ago, but she's never driven alone because she doesn't need a car in New York while attending college. She is about to begin her driver's education course. I'm not too worried about that because the people who run the program know what they're doing. My blood pressure will likely ascend once she starts driving alone.
I'm approaching my daughter being behind the wheel of a vehicle the same way I approached her other rites of passages; I give her the information she needs to make good decisions, and put myself on call for support. Then I pray on it, and live in denial.
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