I Don't Like Him the Way He Likes Me. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
I DON'T LIKE HIM THE WAY HE LIKES ME
Dear Willie D:
I'm a 17-year-old runaway who has been living with a 26-year-old man for three months now. I just got tired all of the rules at home. My parents know I'm living with a guy, but they think he's closer to my age. We have sex from time to time, and we do things together, but I don't consider him my boyfriend. I have told him that I only want to be friends, but he treats me like I'm his girl.
He introduces me to his friends as his girlfriend, and whenever I talk to other guys on the phone he goes into a rage. I'm only staying with him because he literally begged me to, and he said that I didn't have to pay any bills. When I ran away from home it was his idea. Yes, I knew he wanted more than a platonic relationship, but he convinced me that we could just be friends. Now he acts like we're in a relationship.
He is way too clingy, so I'm looking for somewhere else to live, but at the moment I don't have anywhere to go. I'm not in school, and I don't have a job. What should I do?
I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's time to suck it up and go home; then enroll back into school the first chance you get. You only have to be at your parents' house for a year or so. After that you can go to college, or get a job and your own place. When you go back home try to hang out with your friends as long as possible. When your parents tell you to do something do it, and when they deny you a privilege don't be a brat. Instead, be grateful for all the times they gave you what you wanted.
In life everyone has rules to follow, your parents included. So obey the rules of the house and be responsible. It's your mom and dad's house. They pay the bills so they call the shots. No one is going to let you come into their house and do whatever you want to do. You can try, but when you wave a red flag at a bull you can't act surprised when he rages.
I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO HOOK UP WITH A BLACK WOMAN
Dear Willie D:
I am Asian and I want to branch outside of my race to date. I am 36 years of age, have lived in America for 15 years, and have never dated an African-American woman. I live and work in an Asian community. How do I meet an African-American woman and what should I say to her?
Are you trying to get me killed? Black men are already mad about the increase of black women dating outside of their race. But hey -- it's a free country, and since I'm a nice guy I'm going to help you out. After all, you can't tell a person who to love. That said, it would have been helpful if you had shared with me exactly why you want to date a black woman.
If you are interested in black women because you have bought into a particular stereotype, you are going to be supremely disappointed. As with women of other ethnic groups, there are millions of black women with various degrees of morals, values, personalities, religious beliefs, political association, family background, origin, appearance and character.
If you want to meet black women, start off by doing what you did to meet Asian women: include them in your circle or inject yourself into their circle. Support an organization that has black female members. Hang out at nightclubs that black women frequent or join a predominately black church.
When you meet one you like, introduce yourself and make small talk. Don't go for instant-gratification; try to become friends first. If you don't break the ice, you'll at least chip it.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
Dear Willie D:
My brother is in desperate need of a car so that he can drive himself to work. After he pays all of his monthly expenses he's left with about $400. That's all the money he has in the world. However, rather than buying a used or cash car he is looking to purchase something brand-new. I have told him that he will be flat broke if he does that, but he doesn't care. He wants what he wants.
He's the type of person that will listen to a stranger before he listens to me -- his own sister. Is there something I can pass along from you that may help him to reverse his decision?
Tell him to get a used car. With the money he saves. he can pay for insurance and the ridiculous cost of gas. If he buys a cash car he could save money to go towards a bigger down payment on a new car in 2-3 years. The more money he puts down the smaller monthly note he'll have. Assuming he saves well he could be driving a new vehicle for the monthly cost of a used one.
If you think about it, nobody owns a new car. As soon as you drive it off the lot it's used. So there you go.
IS IT TOO LATE TO BECOME A DOCTOR?
Dear Willie D:
I'm a 31-year old man who got married and had kids too fast. I gave up my dream of becoming a doctor because I was under a lot of pressure from my ex-wife to get a job, and take care of my responsibilities with my daughter. At the time I felt like I was doing the right thing by manning up, but I was miserable. We struggled to pay bills, even though I had a decent job at her father's construction business.
But time made me bitter because I was working so hard doing something I absolutely hated, and I took out my frustrations on my wife, which instigated our divorce. At the moment I work two jobs; one minimum wage, and the other a home business that allows me to pay for child support and cover monthly expenses. Even so, I'm depressed because I don't feel that I'm living out my purpose in life, which is to do something I love: helping people.
I haven't been in a classroom setting in over 12 years. I'm confident that I can do the work, but by the same token it's daunting considering the 11 years I will have to devote to getting my medical degree. I could quit my part-time job and hire an assistant to help with my home business. What are your thoughts?
You have to take four years of college, four years of med school, and three years in a hospital before you can become a doctor. But remember, those last three years you'll be getting paid. If you start now you'll be about 42 years old when you reach your goal. You could reach it faster than that if you took accelerated courses. Quit the part-time gig, hire an assistant to help with the home business, and enroll in college immediately.
You have one life to live, and your job will account for much of the time you live in that life. So you may as well be spending that time doing something that brings you joy. There's nothing like getting paid to do something that you would do for free.
I say go for it, and don't look back.
PREVIOUSLY ON ASK WILLIE D
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
ROCKS OFF'S GREATEST HITS
Get the Music Newsletter
Keep your thumb on the local music scene each week with music news, trends, artist interviews and concert listings. We'll also send you special ticket offers and music deals.