I Don't Want My Kids Anymore. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo courtesy of Peter Beste
MY PAST HAS COME BACK TO HAUNT ME
Dear Willie D:
I moved from Los Angeles to Houston about six years ago to put my past in the rearview and get a fresh start on life. My cousin helped me get a good job, I bought a condo in a nice neighborhood and made new friends. I was very selective about the type of guys that I dated. I had lived my whole life in L.A. around celebrities, and had seen enough of the lights.
So when I met my fiancé out at a bar, I was glad to know he was not in the entertainment business. However, because of his business he does know a lot of famous people. Everything was perfect until we went to a friend's house for a party. It was a small gathering; maybe 20 people -- mostly couples -- but lo and behold my ex-boyfriend's old girlfriend was there. My heart just about popped out of my chest.
I mean, what are the chances of someone who lives in L.A. who used to date my ex being at an arbitrary house party in Houston? To make a long story short, as I figured, she blabbed off to my fiancé's friend about me, and the next day my fiancé drilled me about my famous ex. Then he hits me with, "I can't trust you. What other secrets are you keeping?"
Our relationship was solid for two years then just like that; poof -- it's up in smoke. What can I say or do to regain his trust?
Unfortunately many people associate women who date celebrities with being groupies and gold-diggers. I'm sure you omitted that information because you didn't want to be judged, but failing to tell your fiancé that you dated a celebrity is like him failing to disclose to you that he has five kids. I'm not saying it would make a difference, but some things you just need to know.
In defense of females who date celebrities, women date men who are in the world they live in, or aspire to live in. There are women who prefer to date politicians. Some women mostly date bus drivers and supervisors. Others are biased towards pastors or members of the clergy. Some women exclusively date educators, while others prefer laborers.
Are they being judged? If we're going to call the women who date famous men gold-diggers, at the least the other women have to be called copper-scoopers. I can't say that you'll ever fully regain your fiancé's trust, but you can calm his nerves by telling him you love him, and sincerely apologizing for not being forthcoming. Personally, I don't see why you didn't just tell him from the start. Everyone has a past. It's not like you killed the dude...did you?
I DON'T WANT MY CHILDREN ANYMORE
Dear Willie D:
I am a 27-years-old divorcée with four small children ages eight months [through] six years. A typical day for me is to wake up at 5 o' clock in the morning, and dress myself for work. Then I wake the babies up, starting with the oldest so she can help me with the others. Once I get all of the kids ready I feed them whatever quick meal I can whip together [usually cereal or pop tarts].
Then I rush out the door for the 30-minute drive to my mother's [can't afford daycare] to drop off the three youngest ones. Then I drop off my oldest one at school; I enrolled her at the elementary school in my mom's neighborhood for convenience.
But nothing about my life is convenient because I have four children I can hardly care for. Their father only pays $250 a month for child support. I stress out a lot because I feel as though as long as I have all these kids I will never get ahead financially or socially because they take up all of my time.
Being in a relationship is out of the question, because what man in his right mind would want a woman who has a bunch of kids? I don't even want them. I know what people think of mothers who abandon their kids, but I don't care anymore. I no longer want to be a mother. I guess I'm not asking for advice -- just venting.
This is a very sad letter. I will never understand people who bring children into the world, and not want to participate in their development. Kids are not clothes. You don't get to try them on and take them back when you realize you no longer want them. When you don't want your kids, you don't deserve them because it's not human nature to provide love and a safe environment for someone you consider to be a burden.
You appear to be on the cusp of a nervous breakdown. You should ask your kids' father or grandmother to take them in, and then see a professional to help you cope with the responsibility of parenting. Some people would give anything to have a child, while others are mourning the death of theirs. It would behoove you to count your blessings.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
Dear Willie D:
Tell me, why is it when a man breaks up with a woman she acts like she's innocent? I'm trying to determine if my ex is definitely done with me. It's been five months, going on six. She reaches out every blue moon, but don't s--- ever come out of it. What should I do?
You sound angry. Even if the two of you were to patch things up, I don't believe that you'll ever feel secure in the relationship because you'll always remember how she played with your heart. Letting go isn't always so bad. Oftentimes when you chase women you only catch up to the ones that are slower than you.
HUGE AGE DIFFERENCE
Dear Willie D:
I met an older man at a social event who I really grew to like. He is 58 years old, and I'm 29 years of age. He told me that after his wife died of ovarian cancer three years ago, he decided to retire and live life to the fullest. When I first started talking to him I saw him as strictly a friend. But the more we talked the more I began to develop romantic feelings for him.
I think I fell for his charm and intelligence. He knows so much about the world from traveling abroad to working in the oil industry. He is not rich, but he is financially secure. I'm also financially set. I am a certified government inspector, and I own my own business so it's not a situation where I'm after his money. I always have a good time when I'm with him. I genuinely like him, but I'm afraid it won't work out because of his age -- he is older than my father.
I have strong feelings for this man, and he has told me that he feels the same way. To be completely honest with you, I'm afraid of what other people might think about our relationship more than anything. Should I find someone closer to my age or go for it?
You have a right to be concerned that the relationship won't work because statistically the wider the age gap in a relationship, the greater chance of failure it has. But at the end of the day it's your happiness that's on the line, not the happiness of others. In many cases older men provide much more stability and fidelity in a relationship than younger men because they've already made all of the mistakes and sowed their wild oats.
There's a 29-year spread in your relationship. Now, if you were ten and he was 39, that would be a big problem. But you're not a child; you're a 29-year old grown woman of sound body and mind. If you want it to work out, it will. If not, maybe you could try being good friends. But somehow talking on the phone with a good friend whom you want to be romantically involved with just don't seem as fun as rolling in the hay with them.
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