I Got Pregnant From a One-Night Stand. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
DO I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO SELL OR GIVE AWAY MY EX-BOYFRIEND'S BELONGINGS?
Dear Willie D:
My boyfriend and I broke up three weeks ago due to his cheating and lying ways. When he moved out a couple of days later he only took his clothes with him; all other items such as kitchenware and jewelry are still in my house. I sent him a text message and an email stating that he needs to make arrangements to come get these things by the end of the month.
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I also told him that if he didn't come get it by that time the stuff would be sold, or given to charity. Despite how I feel that he could have moved his belongings with him the day he left, do you feel that I'm being harsh?
No, you're not being harsh; you're being sensible. By the time your deadline arrives your ex would have had a month or so to collect his things. That's plenty of time to get your stuff out of someone's house if you want it.
Be mindful that if you sell his things or give them away, he may try to sue you to recover the costs of the items. Nevertheless, if I were in your shoes I would probably feel the same way. When the relationship is over, crap from your ex is the last thing you need or want to see.
AM I CONDITIONED TO THINK WHITE PEOPLE ARE NATURALLY AFRAID OF ME?
Dear Willie D:
I'm a Chicano leaving in America. When I am walking and I see a white person in the distance, I tend to feel like they are afraid of me. I do have a few tattoos, but I do not feel I look like I intend to cause harm. However, I notice a change in their demeanor when I walk by as if they are hoping I don't rob them or something.
So are they conditioned to be afraid of me or am I conditioned to believe they are afraid of me?
Chicano in America:
There are many despicable people in the world who people would rather avoid, and whenever we have bad experiences with one person or a few from a particular group or ethnicity, we tend to judge all members of that ethnicity or group based on those experiences because we have been taught not to trust each other.
Some white people are conditioned to be afraid of you and that's their problem. You are conditioned to believe that "all" white people are afraid of you; that's your problem. The reason for the mistrust on both sides is because when we encounter perceived fear, our minds are automatically programmed to make snap judgments.
Personally, I don't trust anybody. Depending on where I am when walking, if someone passes by me, even if it's an old crippled grandma toting a Bible and selling ice cream, I might also have a change in demeanor. There's a bunch of nuts out there, and I'm not trying to get cracked by one.
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Dear Willie D:
I met a guy and had sex with him on the first night. We used protection but the condom slipped off, and now I'm pregnant. To add insult to injury I lost contact with him because my phone got stolen from work. I'm keeping my baby because I don't believe in abortions.
I would like to contact the father, but I don't know where to start. All I have is a first name and the city he says he live in. Do you or your readers have any ideas on how I can go about reaching him?
Slippery When Wet:
If the guy you're looking for has a common name like Michael and he lives in a big city you can forget about it. However, if his first name is unique -- such as Yehunda -- you'll have much better odds. Most public-record online sites require you to have a last name, but Inome will let you search with just the first name.
You can also just Google his name for free. It's a shot in the dark, but you might hit something. Additionally, Facebook is an excellent source to track down old friends, and baby daddies. I really hope you find your child's father. Children deserve the love and support of both their parents.
IS IT APPROPRIATE FOR SOMEONE WHO ELOPED TO HAVE A BRIDAL SHOWER?
Dear Willie D:
My friend eloped and now she is having a bridal shower two months later. I'm not judging her, but if you're going to run off, get married, and not bother to invite the people who love you to cherish your wedding day with you, you shouldn't be asking them to participate in a bridal shower. I think it's tacky, selfish, and a ploy to receive gifts.
I've never heard of anyone eloping and having a bridal shower before. Is this appropriate?
Bridal Shower Invitee:
I'm with you. It seems like a gift grab - highly suspect, from where I sit. But not many people today have traditional weddings, and some are small with limited budgets. So inviting friends and family to the bridal shower that may not have been invited to the wedding is a good compromise.
But you know your friend better than I do. If it bothers you that much, maybe you should call her up and tell her you're going to elope as a guest.
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