I Have Control Issues. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
I HAVE CONTROL ISSUES
Dear Willie D:
I need help with curbing my impulse to control people. In my home things are my way or the highway. I tell my kids what to wear, who to be friends with and how to feel if I think they’re whining about something petty.
My husband and I argue all the time about everything. I will admit that it’s mostly my fault because I feel as though I’m right most of the time. When I make a decision, I stick to it, and I won’t apologize even if I realize I’m wrong. I have two girls and a boy, all teens.
My son has always been closer to his dad, but lately I have noticed that my girls are also closer to their dad. Seeing them closer to him than me is hurtful because I feel that as the woman who brought them into the world, they should be closer to me. How can I stop being controlling and get closer to my kids and husband?
There’s a fine line between controlling and discipline. Depending on how much guidance they need, telling your kids what to wear and who to be friends with might be acceptable, but to tell them how they should feel is controlling and reckless at best. If you don’t snap out of your micromanaging tyranny, you’re going to destroy your marriage, and your children are going to abandon you the first chance they get.
There appear to be deeper issues going on here. The only time people try to control others is out of fear and insecurity. So ask yourself what it is that you fear, and why it is that you are insecure, then address those issues. Maybe your problem is you haven’t accepted that your kids are becoming independent.
Instead of trying to control your family, which you will ultimately fail at, work on controlling yourself, who you actually have control of and might find success in. Additionally, find a hobby, or get out there and do some volunteer work. You have too much time on your hands.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR PEST CONTROL: LANDLORDS OR TENANTS?
Dear Willie D:
I don't mean to bother you, but a brother is having crazy problems in my life, and I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I just moved into my apartment about four months ago. The neighbors on both sides of me have bugs that are coming into my place and biting me.
I had proof with some sticky traps, but they stuck together when I tried to pick them up. So that's ruined, and the landlord refused to do anything, and filed a complaint against me for spraying bug spray. So right now I'm just vacuuming up the bugs I can but there's still bugs, and I don't know what kind they are to know how to kill them.
Please help. You’re my last hope.
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Generally, whoever owns the building is responsible for pest control. Check your rental agreement to see if you’re covered. Whether you or your landlord hires an exterminator, a good exterminator will be able to identify the type of bugs you have and apply the proper pesticide to control them.
Talk to your neighbors, or have your landlord speak with them about controlling their bugs also. If you get rid of the bugs in your apartment and your neighbors fail to exterminate their apartments, you’re defeating the purpose.
I CAN’T TAKE MY GIRL’S JEALOUSY ANYMORE
Dear Willie D:
I have been in a relationship with the same girl for the past three years. Like any couple, we have our good and bad times. Most of our bad times are a result of her being jealous. She checks my phone, my car, my pockets, my breath and even my underwear for signs of me being with another woman.
It’s gotten to the point that she came to pick me up from work on my new job, and rolled her eyes at my boss lady. We argue so much about the same thing. I swear I have never cheated on her. I go to work and come home. Every now and then I will go by my mother’s house for a little while, but other than that, I’m with her. So why don’t she trust me?
Hmmm. Sounds like your girl has been cheated on in the past, or she’s done some cheating, or both. In any event, you can’t have a healthy relationship without trust. Talk to your girl and let her know that her jealous tendencies have caused you to reach a breaking point. Either she lays off the psycho juice or you’re out.
The checking the underwear thing is wild, but trying to check my boss. Hell to the nah! Don’t play with my money!
WHAT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN A RELATIONSHIP
Dear Willie D:
I just got off of the phone with my girlfriend, and we were having a discussion about relationships. She has been single for over a year and I just recently broke up with my boyfriend. Although there are some commonalities, both of us have two very different chief catalysts for what makes a relationship work.
I know you will be honest; however, so that my friend won’t think you’re being biased, I won’t disclose either of our opinions. I know that there are a number of things that make for a viable relationship, but in your opinion, what is the single most important thing?
Effective communication. But good sex is a nose-close second.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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