I Never Get Second Dates. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
I NEVER GET SECOND DATES. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Dear Willie D:
I’m the guy who gets women to say yes to the first date all the time, but I can never get them to go on a second date. I am courteous, respectful and accommodating. So what am I doing wrong?
It could be that you’re too nice. Women like guys who are nice, but when you overdo it, that’s a problem. Why don’t you tell a girl friend step-by-step what it is you say and do on dates, and see what advice she can give you. Also, instead of the typical dinner or movie, which could be tense and cause you to feel awkward, try doing something active on your first date such as shooting pool, kayaking, visiting a psychic or attending a painting class.
Don’t sweat it, man. When the right one comes along, she’ll accept you for you, and everything else will take care of itself.
I HAVEN’T SPOKEN TO MY MOTHER IN MORE THAN 12 YEARS
Dear Willie D:
I’m a 26-year-old man whose mother basically abandoned me and my siblings to pursue a career as a professional burlesque dancer. Over the years, my dad showed us pictures of her in Europe onstage, or posing with famous people. I revered her so much that she was like a superhero to me.
My dad never spoke ill of her; he just told us she was in Europe working. But later in life, as I got to be an older teenage boy, I lost respect for her. I couldn’t fathom how a mother could leave her own children for any reason. The last time I saw her in the flesh was for a play she was in 12 years ago.
She came to Houston, and the whole family was there to support her. We spent a few hours with her before the show. After the show we hugged her quickly, and she was gone. So now she’s back in town visiting her sick mother, and she wants to see me, but I refuse. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
No Dancing Matter:
No, you’re not wrong for not wanting to see your estranged mother who abandoned you as a child out of self-interest. You deserve to be free of toxic relationships in your life, regardless of who is on the other end of the relationships.
With that said, if you don’t want to see your mother because you genuinely don’t care to see her, then don’t. But if your refusal to see her is pride-based, I say go. Pride has a way of blocking your blessing when you least expect it. Besides, I’m sure you have a lot of questions.
MY SON IS ACTING OUT SINCE MY DIVORCE
Dear Willie D:
I have an eight-year-old son who never gave me any problems until his dad and I divorced. Now he acts out in class and hits on other kids. A few days ago, he told me he wished I was dead. He was very close to his dad. I guess they’re still close, but now he only sees him on weekends, and he will be with him next summer.
I feel as though he hates me. How do I get him back on track?
Back On Track:
When your child starts wishing death on you, it’s time for some serious intervention. If you haven’t spoken to your son about your divorce, do it ASAP. You and his dad should speak to him separately and together.
Reiterate your collective love for him, and acknowledge his feelings. Tell him that you know how he feels because the divorce is hard on the whole family. Explain to him that his tantrums and inappropriate behavior have to stop. Outline the consequences, and follow through each time he acts out.
Whenever the family structure is interrupted, adjusting to the new structure takes time. However, if your son continues to show signs of erratic behavior, it may be a good idea to take him to see a therapist.
COMMENTS FROM ORIGINAL LETTER
“I Had Phone Sex With My Friend's Boyfriend”
Posted June 6, 2013
Dear Willie D:
So everything happened just as you said it would. I had sex with my friend’s boyfriend, she found out and now we’re enemies. I got pregnant by her boyfriend, and we eventually revealed our affair to her.
Shortly after we agreed to raise our baby together, he moved in with another girl who he got pregnant, and hasn’t seen his son in months. I read your column all the time, and you give very good advice. I just wish I had taken it to heart.
Although things didn’t work out like I wanted them to, I would like to thank you for at least trying to help me.
Taking It to Heart:
That’s really unfortunate. You made your bed hard, but there’s a special place in hell for men who abandon their children. I wish you and your baby the best. Thanks for the update.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.