I Think My Girl Is Using Me. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
IS SHE USING ME?
Dear Willie D:
I’m in a relationship with a woman who has four kids by two other men. I brought two kids of my own from a previous relationship. I pay all of the bills, even though she gets a monthly check for $500 from her two youngest kids’ father.
Whenever I come home the house is always dirty, and if there’s food on the stove, it’s usually picked over, leaving me nothing but scraps. Her kids don’t listen to me, and she plays favoritism with them over my kids. Her oldest son and daughter have cursed me out more than once, and she took their sides each time.
She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so she is extremely moody. Knowing this, I try to be patient with her. We haven’t had sex in five months. When I ask for sex, she tells me I don’t deserve it because I don’t make her feel like a woman during sex.
I really love her and want to make it work, but I feel she might be taking advantage of me. What do you think?
Might? The woman is using you like a doormat in a hailstorm, homey. Kick her to the curb and save yourself.
I FEEL BAD FOR CRITICIZING MY DAUGHTER
Dear Willie D:
Yesterday my daughter and I went to a restaurant for mother/daughter night out, and I criticized her for ordering an entrée that was loaded with calories. She is a beautiful girl, but she struggles with her weight. Currently she is about 20 pounds overweight.
As soon as I criticized her, I felt so bad because she dropped her head, and didn’t seem as interested in being there any longer. I later apologized and she accepted, but I still feel bad. I have always been critical of my daughter because I want her to be the best person she can be.
Being too forward has always been an issue for me, and I want to stop it once and for all. How do I change my nagging ways?
The first thing you can do is look for the good in your daughter rather than the bad. When she walks in the room, even if you do notice something strange or inappropriate about what she’s wearing, don’t let the first words out of your mouth be negative. If you don’t like her attire, work your disapproval into the conversation subtly with love and kindness.
The next time she orders an entrée loaded with calories, instead of criticizing her, let her enjoy her meal. If you want to speak on it later, do so, but don’t ruin a perfect mother/daughter night out by pointing out your daughter’s faults. Keep in mind, she knows she’s overweight. If it was as easy to lose the weight as you make it seem, she would have done it already.
As with most parents who are overly critical of their children, your criticism of your daughter in hopes of making her better herself could backfire. If you don’t give her space to learn from her mistakes, and the nurturing support of a mother, she could find herself eating for comfort, or turning to illicit drugs to cope with her feelings of rejection, and not feeling good enough.
That’s not what you want.
MY EX PROVIDES FOR HIS CHILD WITH HIS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BUT NOT OURS
Dear Willie D:
I have been separated from my daughter’s father for three years, and not once has he bought her diapers, milk or even a birthday gift. I didn’t pressure him to do anything because he told me he was down on his luck.
To make a long story short, I went on Facebook just to see what he was up to, and lo and behold I saw him on several pictures with his new woman and their child. He was showing off gifts that he had bought for their daughter, who is the same age as my daughter (five).
I saw pictures of him and the little girl on the first day of school, and her first and last birthday. So I’m over here struggling with his daughter while he’s living it up with his other daughter. Am I wrong to follow my friend’s advice and file for child support against my child’s father?
I don’t understand dudes who elect to support one child that they helped create but not another. Then they get on social media and brag about what they’re doing for the child as though the other kid’s mother don’t have access to the Internet.
Overall, child support is nothing but a big racket. But in cases where the father hasn’t even attempted to provide financial support for his child, all I can say is handle your business.
TATTOOS PREVENTING ME FROM GETTING A JOB
Dear Willie D:
After looking for a job for six months, I finally got on at a trucking company loading hauls. Then, after being on the job for less than a month, I was pulled over by the police and arrested for an old traffic warrant. He said he pulled me over because I changed lanes without signaling, but I know it was because of my arm tattoos.
I had my windows down, so I know that’s when he saw them. I had to stay in jail for a week, and when I got out, my job had fired me. So now I’m back where I started: tatted up and looking for a job. Why does being tatted affect your career or future when it’s only ink?
Tattoos are more than “only ink.” They’re a form of expression. Before an employer hires you, they study your look just as much as your skill set to determine whether they want you representing their brand. You may have all the qualifications for the job, but if you walk in trying to get hired with a tat on your face of a handgun, and bullets sprawled across your forehead, you’re not getting hired.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.