I Want My Man to Prove He's Divorced. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
DID I TAKE IT TOO FAR?
Dear Willie D:
In December of 2016, my boyfriend and I plan to get married. I'm however having second thoughts, because he has yet to produce a divorce decree from his previous marriage. When I ask him about it, he states he is indeed divorced, but the thought of coming up with the decree brings up some not so good moments.
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I'm sure no one likes rehashing those kinds of memories, but I'm only asking for proof of it so that I can have peace of mind once we get married. I don't want to be one of those wives who has to risk losing everything we've worked hard for to someone who may feel like they're entitled to something that's not rightfully theirs.
I've given him until the end of next month to produce the decree, or I am willing to end it with him should he not come up with it. Am I overreacting? Am I taking it too far? Will, I just want peace of mind and to ensure I'm legally protecting what's ours.
I don't think you're overreacting and taking it too far. Asking your divorced fiancé for a copy of his divorce decree is a fair request. Although I can see him possibly being offended by you not taking his word for it that the divorce is final, if he has nothing to hide he should comply, if only to give you a peace of mind.
Instead of waiting to see if he'll produce documentation of his divorce you could just go online and try accessing the records or you can visit the state's Department of Health and Vital Records and find what you need. All you need is his full name and abracadabra! Everything that's in his divorce decree [if he has one] will be at your disposal, including the time he held Sinatra, his ex wife's shih tzu, hostage during a 48-hour police standoff because they ran out of Frosty Flakes.
I'M MILITARY MINDED AND PRO-DEFENSE
Dear Willie D:
I have never been in the military, but I'm military-minded. What makes me this way is all of the crime that goes on in America. I am a law-abiding member of society, yet I feel like a hostage in my own home. With the increase of home invasions you can never be too careful, and no matter where you go in America there just isn't such a thing as being safe.
I pack a gun everywhere I go, and I look forward to using it on anybody who tries to violate me in any manner. I don't agree with Barack Obama trying to take guns away from Americans who live by the rules. I'll give up my guns when the bad guys and the police give up theirs. I would like to know what your position is on gun control.
We live in a dangerous society, so I can't blame you for feeling a little paranoid. I feel the same way most of the time, but to say you looking forward to blasting anyone who tries to violate you in any manner is a bit extreme. It sounds like you might need to take a few courses in conflict resolution and humanity before taking to the streets with a gun.
People today are so bloodthirsty it appears to be embedded into the fabric of American culture. I'm for control, but I'm against the banning of guns. With the recent proliferation of police and private-citizen shootings of unarmed victims, I don't trust the legislative elite to decide who can and who can't have a gun. Guns don't kill people, idiots with guns do.
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Dear Willie D:
I'm embarrassed to have to ask for advice, but I'm at the point where my heart and spirit can no longer take it. My boyfriend and I have been together for close to two years now. Instead of the relationship getting better I feel it's gotten worse. In the beginning he showered me with love, sweet letters, flowers, fancy dinners and trips.
At the time he traveled a lot for work, and was living in and out of hotels. I felt bad and said he could stay with me for a while. Fast forward a year later, and he's still here. I still love him, but he agitates the hell out of me. He doesn't clean, he's always with a long face complaining about his job, and he is extremely negative.
In the beginning we would have sex often, and now it's every other month if I initiate it. He says he doesn't have a sex drive and that he's never horny. The times I do attempt to have sex with him, he's full of excuses like," My tummy hurts," "I didn't shower" or when I try to touch him he says, "It tickles." I love this man, but I am losing the little bit of confidence I have left.
I've tried it all. How do you love someone who isn't sexual? I feel bamboozled like he won me over, found out my weaknesses, used them against me, and is now controlling me, yet he's incredibly sweet and takes care of me. I'm so confused. I have never been with anyone before so this is all brand-new to me. Please help me, my soul is dwindling away.
I'm also confused. What grown man says, "My tummy hurts?" Moving on...After the initial courtship whereas you've done everything there is to do in and out of bed with each other, usually the sizzle turns to fizzle and almost all couples will experience some level of doldrums in their relationship. But that doesn't mean you can't get the fire back to burning.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ARTISTS WHO HAVE NOT LIVED THE STREET LIFE THEY RAP ABOUT?
Dear Willie D:
For a skinny white kid with a shaved head and who rode skateboards and wore Sex Pistols T-shirts, the neighborhood I grew up in was not a great place to be in 1988. The Mexican gangs were in full force in the area and both of the schools in my area were 85 percent Hispanic. I had very few friends. The Mexicans of course were against me from the start, and at that time it was not "cool" to be punk rock with the football-playing white guys. So I would get pressure from all angles.
At a young age, your music and lyrics really gave me some newfound confidence and motivation to get up in the morning and power through my challenges at a time when there was a lot of prejudice and a lot less tolerance for being different. Since then I've been through many tragedies with family, friends, relationships, etc. I'm grown up now, finished my education, and have an executive position at a Fortune 500 company here in Houston, but I still stay with my musical roots and way of thought.
My question is directed to you and your contemporaries. You guys lived your music and to see people using it as a singalong novelty without any thought of the experience it took to articulate the message, is it funny to you guys, or do you see these people as clueless, or is it just part of the business? I'm not saying that even I have any clue of what it took to grow up in Fifth Ward, and I am careful not to judge anyone because you never know their walk in life or what it took to get there. But there is always the thought.
I think it's important to recognize that not all rappers from the '80s and '90s lived the tough street life they rapped about on record. In fact, some of those guys were straight-up cowards who couldn't punch their way out of a wet paper bag with a hole in it. The difference today is with the popularity of the Internet a lot more folks are able to earn money rapping, and the accessibility makes it easier to expose the imposters.
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