I Want to Stop at Kissing. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
IS IT OKAY TO KISS A GUY I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YET?
Dear Willie D:
I’m 17, and I have a guy friend I hang out with a lot. He is attractive, and has a crush on me. I like him, but I don’t want to have sex with him. I just want to kiss, and maybe fool around, but not go all the way. He has called me a tease because I won’t let him get to first base.
This weekend we are going to the movies with some friends, and when he comes to pick me up I plan on kissing him once we get inside the car. I know he will want sex when he drops me off, but it’s not going to happen. He is used to getting his way, so I’m going to make him wait as long as I can.
Do you think kissing him is a good strategy to keep him interested, or will he lose interest if I don’t go all the way soon?
Both. A little mooching is always a good idea to keep a guy interested. But making out without sex is something that a younger guy typically will not appreciate as much as an older more mature guy will. Older guys generally understand that women love the concept of anticipating sex, whereas if there’s too much foreplay a younger guy might lose interest.
When all is said and done a man is a man, and kissing one is like auditioning for sex. If you do it well enough you might get the part.
I NEED HELP STOPPING MY 4-YEAR-OLD FROM LYING
Dear Willie D:
My 4-year-old son lies about everything. If I ask him something as simple as “Did you eat all your food?” he will lie, as if I’m not going to see his plate when I go into the kitchen.
The lies that he tell serve no purpose. It’s not like he’s going to get spanked or anything. I hardly ever even punish him. I tell him that lying is not a good thing, but he doesn’t get it. What can I do to further encourage him that lying is not the answer?
Tie him up to a tree and throw marbles at him until he begs for mercy.
Okay, okay, I’m just joking. Here’s the deal: kids lie, especially the younger ones under the age of ten. To combat the problem, instead of focusing on the lie, focus on the consequences. Explain to him how important it is to tell the truth. If he lies, take something away from him that he values, such as his toys, or prevent him from going to a party, or having friends for a sleepover.
When my kids were small, my mantra was a small punishment for whatever they did wrong, and a large punishment if they lied about it. Looking back, I never considered the hypocrisy of punishing my kids for lying while simultaneously promoting the Tooth Fairy and leaving cookies out for Santa.
All things considered, the most important thing you can do to encourage your child that lying is not the answer is to not be a liar yourself.
MY BLACK WIDOW FRIEND
Dear Willie D:
I live next door to a friend who has been widowed by two husbands under suspicious circumstances. She will often joke calling herself the black widow. I had drinks with her last night, and she told me I could stay the night, but I declined.
Then I started thinking, what if she spiked my drink or something. I got up and left immediately. I wanted to ask her about the details of her deceased husbands deaths, but decided against it, rationalizing what if she accidentally tell me something that she wasn’t supposed to, and tries to take me out?
She is an intriguing woman. I’m definitely attracted to her, but her past scares the hell out of me. What would you do?
As a rule of thumb, I don’t judge women by their past unless that past includes two husbands who died under suspicious circumstances. What would I do? I would stay away from her, and do everything in power to ensure I don’t become dead husband number three.
I WENT FROM SIDEPIECE TO WIFE
Dear Willie D:
I just got through reading your reply to “I'm In Love With a Married Man.” In your comments you basically told the young lady to cut off all communications with the guy she was in a 3-year relationship with, but then you sarcastically replied, “never mind” because you realized she was in love.
Well, I’m here to say I was in an 8-year relationship with a married man who I couldn’t let go, and we are now happily married going on five years. This might be unpopular to say, but to that young lady all I can tell you is, if you truly feel that he is the one for you, hold on because you never know what the future holds.
Congratulations! Against all odds, you got your man. How about we hang out when I go meet my maker so some of that spectacular luck you have can rub off on me. With you at my side on Judgement Day, I just might be able to slide in.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
Get the Music Newsletter
Keep your thumb on the local music scene each week with music news, trends, artist interviews and concert listings. We'll also send you special ticket offers and music deals.