Idaho Man Forces Friend to Moonwalk at Gunpoint While High on Drugs
I have to admit that when I read this headline around 3 a.m. on Friday night, I couldn't stop laughing for a good 30 minutes. I may have even laughed myself to sleep. I may never feel that much joy for the rest of my life, and I wish that I could replay that hour of my life in perpetuity.
Last week law enforcement officials in Idaho arrested one John Ernest Cross for aiming a gun at his friend and demanding that he "moonwalk," the smooth dance move made famous by the late Michael Jackson in the '80s. Cross was reportedly high on drugs. No shit.
Cross said in court that it was just a pellet gun, but according to an affidavit, it appeared to be an AR-15 semiautomatic rifle, with ammo capable of shredding a man's insides before either exiting the body cavity or resting in an uncomfortable place. All the more reason to moonwalk to the best of your ability.
No word on if the friend was able to moonwalk or if there was a bitter standoff between the two before police arrived on the scene, or if the Cross let his friend at least practice the moderately difficult move while listening to Jackson's 1982 album Thriller. As a few outlets have pointed out, this exact thing happened in the 1987 Bruce Willis comedy Blind Date.
Jesus, take the wheel.
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