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Idol Beat: Fail To The King, Baby

Coming to a county fair near you...
Coming to a county fair near you...

I'm going to hate tonight. For unlike these other liars on Idol who - to a one - claimed to have grown up in a Motown household, I really did grow up on Carole King. I have great fondness for Tapestry, which was in regular rotation when I was a kid, and have several specific memories from my early years on through college associated with many of King's songs.

So you can understand why I'm not exactly looking forward to having those pissed on liberally this evening.

All right then, I've got a sinus infection and this shit isn't going to watch itself. Let's get to it.

There's a new producer in town, and his name is Kenny "Babyface" Edmonds. I'd love to snark about this, except he's such an obvious and dramatic improvement over will.i.am it wouldn't be sincere.

What is sincere is my belief that Jacob Lusk is in trouble. "Oh No Not My Baby" was far from his best performance, and his two trips the the bottom three in the last three weeks are obviously wearing. Plus, he needs to fire whoever decided to dress him as Urkel for his performance.

Jimmy Iovine introduced Lauren Alaina to his good friend Miley Cyrus while she was practicing "Where You Lead." The visit allegedly gave the youngster some much-needed confidence, but I'd wager the viewing audience was too dumbstruck by the fact Cyrus sounds like a 60-year-old with a two pack a day habit.

Meanwhile, the judges feel Lauren is sufficiently bringing it.

I assume the duets are here solely to pad the episode, as they have no bearing on the voting. Casey and Haley are up first with "I Feel the Earth Move." An apropos choice for the two remaining with the strongest classic-rock pedigrees. Frankly, this would've been stronger as a Haley solo number.

Did Seacrest really just call him "Scotty the Body?" Whose body? Ralph Macchio's?

 

Scotty McCreery can go to hell and die for his craptacular, Muzak-y version of "You've Got A Friend." That wouldn't have been out of place on a Mac Davis album. And no, that's not a compliment. Regardless, he's apparently "in it to win it." America please vote that smirking yutz off my TV.

I don't know, man...James Durbin looks like he's going to go all the way, as Chris Berman (or Sly Fox) might tell you. For once, I agree with J Lo, he's been consistent from the get-go. Was that a no-no? Maybe I should just blow.

Another duet. Lauren and Scotty. "Up on the Roof." Fast forward.

Sorry Casey Abrams, I think the underage-white-boy-into-the-jazz thing is wearing thin on people. It's not the beard, or the...quirky personality, it's that he's not performing in the accepted framework of the young pop heartthrob. The judges seem a bit...hesitant as well.

Last up is Haley Reinhart with "Beautiful." I have to say, she doesn't suck. Steven "saw god," so either she was really good or he's flashing back to 1975.

Last duet (Jacob and James on "I'm Into Something Good"). Superfluous.

Okay, bottom three time. I'm going with Jacob, Casey, and Lauren. And because I've been predicting it for a month, Jacob finally goes home.


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