It's time for American Idol, the show that dares ask the question, "What the f*ck is will.i.am still doing here?" Seriously, when do they make him a judge?
In case you hadn't heard, Jennifer Lopez was selected World's Most Beautiful Woman by...Cat Fancy or something. This provided a brief respite before the actual business of the evening, something called "Music from the Movies." Last night found the remaining eight contestants belting out cinema standards from the likes of Nat King Cole and Simon & Garfunkel.
And Miley Cyrus and Boyz II Men. Bitter with the sweet, as Van Helsing once said.
The Paul McDonald Experience is officially over. Same suit, same goofy dance, same "unique" vocal stylings. Dude is the luckiest man alive not named Stefano still in competition, not that you'd know from the judges' reaction. They loved him. Then again, they love everybody.
Miley Cyrus' "The Climb?" Give Lauren Alaina credit, she's apparently not afraid of backlash from the [young voting bloc] of her choice. And if they need an excuse to put a figurative boot in her ass this week, she was off key for much of the song, which makes Jimmy Iovine ("You've got a better voice than Miley") sound pretty dumb. The judges, who have been incapable of negative thoughts for about three weeks now, think she's the cat's pajamas.
Stefano Langone "slayed" (according to Randy) "End of the Road," which would appear to mean he's "in it to win it." It's funny to see Stefano's reaction to the completely expected praise. His face is like the guy who's the sole survivor in a foxhole after all his buddies have been disemboweled by machine guns.
Hey everybody, Scotty McCreery's "going back to his country roots" with "I Cross My Heart" from Pure Country. Thank Christ, I was afraid he'd do something from New Jack City. Steven thinks America is falling in love with his voice. Why not? They fell in love when George Strait used it.
Casey Abrams didn't gain any new converts to the cause by trotting out a 70-plus-year-old Nat King Cole chestnut ("Nature Boy"). The judges agree, criticizing his poor choice and...just kidding. Standing O. Don't you believe it.
Oh right, there are still two females left. Haley Reinhart gives us a shaky rendition of "Call Me" (from American Gigolo, good luck explaining that plot to the kiddies, America). And for the first time, the judges seem torn. Steven is the only one effusive in his praise, and then only because he wants to "look up her old address."
20 year-olds, dude.
I guess I'm unclear on the concept of "music from the movies." Is it just a song that appeared somewhere on a soundtrack? Because that would seem to include just about everything on the Top 40 for the last 50 years.
Case in point, Jacob Lusk's choice of "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" from...The Pursuit of Happyness? Plus, he's hideously off-key, though none of the judges seemed to notice. Shit, I think Steven's off the wagon. I don't know what J-Lo and Randy's excuses are.
James Durbin, always a man after my own heart, goes with the title cut from 1981's Heavy Metal.With Black Label Society's Zakk Wylde, no less. Allow me one of my few unabashedly supportive comments: Outstanding.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Though if I hear Randy say, "We were just at a [contestant's name] concert," I'm going to...sit fuming silently.
My predictions for tonight's Bottom three: Jacob, Stefano, and Lauren, with Jacob going home.