IDOL BEAT: THE TOP 11, RESULTS

Grace gets the bad news; Sarvernator is just glad it's not him
Grace gets the bad news; Sarvernator is just glad it's not him
Photo by Ray Mickshaw / FOX

I was wrong, wasn't I? Alexis Grace is toast - burnt toast. Girlfriend doesn't even get to be on the next American Idol tour, which is somehow more crushing to my mind than her not staying in the competition. It means that she isn't guaranteed the opportunity to really better her family's financial situation. That's not to say that The Sarvernator and his brood don't deserve that; not at all. But Alexis has way, way more potential in her pink-blonde hair mop than Sarver has in his entire body. I don't blame America for calling it wrong, though; I blame the judges for not stepping up to the plate and saving the Molly Ringwald/Cyndi Lauper of Season 8. For shame.

In more positive news, Grace's daughter gets her mommy back, full time! And Sarver's daughter gets to keep telling her daddy heartbreaking-for-parents-everywhere stuff like "Why don't you wanna be with me any more?"

This week's dumbtacular Ford commercial-cum-music video? Some nonsense about the Fusion and city-street water balloon battles set to OK Go's peppy, formerly-omnipresent "Here It Goes Again." Couldn't they have worked in treadmills, somehow? Bonus: first-ever Pixies reference on Idol, I think.

You know, if you look at Brad Paisley from a certain angle, he resembles Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain. His performance? About as exciting as watching a scab heal. Dolly Parton was the Country Week mentor/performer last year and despite the horrifying makeup and in-your-face plastic surgery, she was phenomenal and immortal in a way Paisley will never, ever be.

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I can't be the only person wishing the Top 11 had covered Pink's "Trouble" (Rancid-influenced punk-pop!) or Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks' "Trouble" (Jolly Rancher indie banged out on a toy piano!) in the "lip-synced" group-sing instead of whatever the fuck they were actually pretending to sing while Scott MacIntyre pretended to beat up a piano.

An unusually relevant passage from The Book of Sanjaya "With American Idol, from the Top 24 on, you know exactly where you stand with the general public, plus you're getting feedback from the judges, so it doesn't really matter if you know what the bloggers are saying. So we all had cell phones and Internet access, and we knew the deal. I kept trying to avoid the chatter, because no matter with the media or the public said about me, I wasn't going to change. I was going to stick with what had gotten me to the Top 7: hard work, choosing good songs, and having fun."


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