"I'll Be Stoned for Christmas" Argues for Keeping Weed Illegal

You know what, maybe weed shouldn't be legalized after all.
You know what, maybe weed shouldn't be legalized after all.
Photos courtesy of Force Field PR

So that photo happened, apparently at the hands of a dude named Dent May. And not only is he the culprit for the worst Christmas photo known to man, but his holiday-themed song is a little foggy, too.

And yes, we remember that awful Mariah Carey earworm. "I'll Be Stoned For Christmas" lights that one up.

Described in the press release as having "the restless musical mind of a DIY pop auteur," May supposedly "investigates life's timeless mysteries, touching on youth, mortality, alienation and unrequited love with startling honesty and humor." The song does indeed sound kinda funny -- especially considering May's self-proclaimed funnybone -- but we're not that amused.

Thing is, we're all about thinking outside of the box, but must May use such stunt-queen antics -- like the madness of a holiday song about getting high -- right on the heels of all the hype surrounding legalization? Things like this give actual stoners a bad rep.

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While we can't fault May for trying to jump on the pot train here -- marijuana is, after all, the only thing the nation wants to talk about -- our problem lies with just how tritely this dude treats his love of the ganja.

Take the sparkly, semi-idiotic and very green Mardi Gras glasses. Sure, it's high-larious that this grown-ass man is all dressed up and presumably stoned in his pothead finery for the holidays. But way to play into every preconceived idea about Reefer Madness ever, man. And no one over the age of 16 wears those while getting stoned, anyway.

And sure, it's great that he wanted to pose right in front of one giant-ass Christmas tree in a green suit with some fuzzy balls glued to those green glitter glasses, but come on. The only thing missing from this marijuana mess is an actual pot leaf spread out behind our songwriter hero as he rolls a joint with Snoop Dogg. It's not easy being dressed in (and standing in front of), green, you know.

We get it. May likes the green. He likes it so much that he used the color profusely on a publicity photo for a holiday song about getting stoned. The sticky-icky is his thing. Awesome.

Story continues on the next page.

 

Sorry you can't unsee this.
Sorry you can't unsee this.

Listen. It's great that we're all openly talking about being stoned, but is that not something that Bob Dylan did back in the day anyway, and without those damned glasses?

After all, it's not like the subject of THC is new to music -- it's just new to such open public debate -- and plenty of artists don't have to use that "Whoa...I'm so stoned" gimmick to sell their music. Maybe artists like May could stop the gimmicky sticky shit in lieu of making some actual music that doesn't suck, and we'd all be better off.

Because every time some fool uses weed as a crutch to pedal his crappy psych-pop wares, a pot plant loses its leaves, and people who are staunchly anti-pot are fed more accidental propaganda by way of some cheap glasses. We are trying to get people to believe stoners aren't total toolbars, and glittery sunglasses to cut the glare of the Christmas-tree lights is probably not the way to go.

So let's stop the madness, shall we? But just in case you needed more convincing of the song's sheer absurdity, please see the above photo of May in the bathtub. While it doesn't explicitly spell out that he's stoned, well...there's just no other feasible explanation.

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