I'm Divorced and Ready to Start Dating Again. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
I KEEP THINKING SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN TO ME
Dear Willie D:
I live in the U.S. and watch a lot of crime and murder mystery shows on television. I didn't know that so many people were being kidnapped, raped and murdered in this country. Sometimes I have dreams of being killed. Each time I leave my house I'm absolutely terrified of the possible dangers that await me. I'm afraid to blow my car horn at someone on the street for fear that they will pull out a gun and shoot me.
When I'm at home I listen to my music on my computer or my headphones because I don't want to disturb my neighbor to the extent that they feel it necessary to shoot me over loud music. Whenever I'm walking through a parking lot to or from my car I'm alert; constantly checking for suspicious activity. I'm also paranoid of becoming a home-invasion victim. What is wrong with me? Is this normal?
There's nothing wrong with you. It's the morons you share space with in this so-called civilized region of the world that inflict murder and mayhem every single waking moment of the day. As a matter of fact, I would say that there is something wrong with you if you weren't afraid. The best way to protect yourself from violent crime is to be proactive. That includes being aware of your surroundings and making smart decisions about where you go, and who you keep company with.
Oftentimes the people closest to you are the ones who get you: spouses, friends, family members, neighbors and co-workers. I'm paranoid about home invasions also; that's why I have an alarm system. It may not prevent someone from running in, but the noise will give me just enough time to retrieve my heat and stop them from running out.
Dear Willie D:
I am a 37 -year-old recently divorced mother of three with a successful career. I've been divorced for about eight months but we were separated for about four years before we divorced. During that time I never dated or stepped outside of my marriage. I have always felt as if I was doing something wrong even though he had moved on and had two kids with two different women. I still saw myself as a married woman, and never wanted to disrespect my husband.
Also, I never wanted my kids to think badly of me knowing that I was still married to their dad. I'm a small town girl with small town values and I was always taught to stay true to your husband no matter what. Well now it's time for me to get out there in the dating world again and I don't know how. I don't go to clubs. I just moved to Houston and I really don't know anyone. Online dating is out of the question. How and where do I start with this dating thing?
Getting Out There:
The best way to meet people is to put yourself in social situations that reflect your interests. Since you don't have friends in Houston, volunteering at a nonprofit organization could be an excellent option. Giving back is a great way to surround yourself with good-hearted people and live a life of purpose. Get a gym membership and sign up for a cycling, dance, or swim class. Take a computer or language course. Join a church.
When you see someone you think you might like, don't be afraid to be the first to say hello or ask a question. I'm not a club person either, and don't even get me started on the deceptive, impersonal practice of Internet dating. We are living in some harsh times for relationships because people don't take the time to get to know each other. Everybody's in a rush to hump and pump out babies. Bringing a new man around your kids is a big step. Loving on your kids and caring about what they think of you -- well, it don't get any bigger than that.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOUR GIRL CALLED THE POLICE ON YOU?
Dear Willie D: My girlfriend called the police on me because I pinned her down during an altercation - which she started. She slapped me, but when the cops came to my apartment they cuffed me and put me in the back seat of the police car. I was detained for almost an hour before they let me go. They told her if they took me to jail she would also have to go because I had a bruise on my neck. So she said she didn't want to press charges. She had been acting belligerent with me the whole day. She wouldn't admit to it, but I believe the reason to be that I lost my job so I don't have the financial freedom to do the things that I used to do for her anymore. She earns more money than I do, but she never spends any of it on me. I didn't do anything wrong, but I almost lost my freedom because of the woman I was hoping to marry. How would you feel if your woman did something like that to you?
Dear Willie D:
My girlfriend called the police on me because I pinned her down during an altercation - which she started. She slapped me, but when the cops came to my apartment they cuffed me and put me in the back seat of the police car. I was detained for almost an hour before they let me go. They told her if they took me to jail she would also have to go because I had a bruise on my neck. So she said she didn't want to press charges.
She had been acting belligerent with me the whole day. She wouldn't admit to it, but I believe the reason to be that I lost my job so I don't have the financial freedom to do the things that I used to do for her anymore. She earns more money than I do, but she never spends any of it on me. I didn't do anything wrong, but I almost lost my freedom because of the woman I was hoping to marry.
How would you feel if your woman did something like that to you?
When a woman calls the cops on you it's usually because she is in fear for her life or it's her way of saying "f--- you!" The latter seems to apply to you. I'm allergic to cops, and women who like to call them to settle domestic disputes. Whether I was in the wrong or right if a woman ever wanted to get rid of me she would not have to cheat or hire a hit-man. All she has to do is call the po-po's and I'm gone -- for good.
I don't do drama. Life is too short to spend it living in hell. You seem to have a real psycho on your hands. If I were you I would kick her to the curb pronto. The next time she calls the cops [and she will], you may not be so lucky.
SHOULD I MAKE MY SON PLAY BASEBALL?
Dear Willie D:
My son is a 13-year-old baseball phenom who no longer wants to play the game. He says he hates practicing, and being in the hot sun all the time. The truth is he wants to hang out with his friends after school and in the summer months instead of going to practice and playing games. His father and I have tried to express to him that baseball is his gift, and he shouldn't throw it away, but he doesn't care.
He makes me so mad when he just blows off baseball when it's so obvious to everyone else how good he is. He told us he wants to play football next year; a sport he's not nearly as good in. He already has high-school scouts coming to his games. But we never tell him because he is the kind of kid who might mess up intentionally to discourage them. How do I get him to take advantage of his gift?
As much as I'd like to tell you to make him play baseball and get that money, I can't. The kid doesn't want to play baseball, so don't force him. If you keep pushing he might become bitter, and even less interested. Let him take a break from baseball. He may decide that he wants to come back to the sport later and bring with him a renewed passion, and focus. Who knows; he may take his talents all the way to Cooperstown [The National Baseball Hall of Fame].
Then again he could end up a simple man, with a simple job, who is simply happy with his lot in life. A parent's job is to expose children to multiple experiences, discover what he or she is good at, and then provide opportunities and guidance along the way. You've done your part; the rest is up to him.
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