I’m in a Relationship but I Lust for Other Women

Dear Willie D:

I’m nearing two years of a pretty good relationship. My girl is a good Southern girl. She caters to me for the most part. I say for the most part because sometimes she’s lazy in bed when it comes to sex, but other than that, we’re good.

Sex is constantly on my mind. While I can say that I get it often from my girl, I still lust for other women. I don’t know what it is. I know I should be satisfied, but I’m not. I want to make out with every woman I see that I find sexy. How do I defeat these impulses?

Still Lusting:

This is unpopular to say, but I do believe most men lust for women other than the woman they’re in a relationship with. The problem occurs when men act on that lust by pursuing another woman, or actually having sex with her.

The ability to restrain oneself has a lot to do with maturity, and discipline. A mature and disciplined man might flirt, but he knows what’s at stake, and values the relationship enough not to go there. Whereas a man who is not mature and disciplined has no self-control or restraint, and will ultimately act on his lustful impulses.

If you don’t think you can handle what you feel for other women, counseling would be a good option. Act fast because something tells me you’re about to blow a good thing, if you haven’t done so already.


Visiting Relatives and Friends Stressing Me Out

Dear Willie D:

I’m a 32-year-old single female living in New York City who is fortunate to have a nice apartment just blocks away from Central Park. With New York being a tourist city, my problem is that every month or so, a family member or friend is hitting me up to crash at my apartment when he or she visits the city.

I don’t mind some visitors. When my mom and sister visit, or my best friend comes into town, it’s always a treat. But everybody else needs to get a hotel room. I hate saying no to family and friends, but adjusting my lifestyle every few months to appease other people is tiring and stressful.

I recently got a request from a friend of my sister who not only wants to stay at my apartment while she is in town, but wants me to pick her up from the airport and drop her back off at times when I’m usually still in bed. I told her yes, but I wish I had said no. How do I avoid putting myself in situations like this in the future?

Reluctant Host:

Close your eyes and repeat after me: No… No… No… See how easy that was? The more you say no, the less you’ll feel pressured to say yes because the word will get around that your apartment is off limits, and people will stop asking to stay with you when they visit the city.

If it makes you feel better, instead of putting up your family and friends for the duration of their stay, why don’t you set boundaries and give them a limit on how many days they can crash at your place. Instead of letting them stay for the entire five days, make it one or two days max. If they need airport transportation, tell them it doesn’t work for you. In other words, don’t accommodate them; accommodate yourself.

Whenever in doubt about whether or not you should do a favor for someone, reference the mantra that I live by: I’ll help you as long as it don’t hurt me.


Why Are Most People Today Politically Correct?

Dear Willie D:

I have strong opinions about a lot of things. I’m an American protected by the First Amendment to say whatever I want without fear of being isolated or ostracized. But that’s not the way things are in this country. You can’t say anything without someone calling you a racist, a homophobe or a xenophobe.

Why in the hell is everyone so uptight, and wanting to be politically correct?

Strong Opinions:

Well, you and I say what we feel, so not everyone wants to be politically correct. I think many people exercise political correctness to be polite. Others simply don’t want to invite the backlash that might come from saying something that could be perceived as offensive. Get caught offending the wrong person or group with your unfiltered words, and it could cost you your job and livelihood.

Some people use political correctness as a fear tactic for their political agendas, and that’s dangerous because it compromises values and the integrity of government. In these situations, the truth is avoided at all cost. These days, you can’t even tell your own daughter she’s beautiful without facing sexual harassment charges. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, but you get my point.


Nobody Knows What the Hell They're Doing Where I Work

Dear Willie D:

I work as a dispatcher for a transportation company delivering tools and equipment. The company I work for makes millions of dollars annually, but it could make millions more if the people in charge knew what the hell they were doing.

My supervisor, who is a know-it-all, purposely denies drivers consistent miles, and she’s isn’t always supportive of owner operators. This attitude has caused the company to have a high turnover ratio for drivers. Many of the drivers who stay with the company are the bad ones who can’t get on at any of the more reputable companies.

While I admire the owner’s entrepreneurial spirit, I detest his lack of vision and the way he is allowing my supervisor to run his business into the ground. If I weren’t in line for a promotion, I would have been gone. Why does it seem that incompetent people are always at the top of the food chain?

Transport Dispatcher:

Good question. Looks like your boss and supervisors read from the same book as our government officials do. I also admire people with the entrepreneurial spirit, but being the smartest kid on the short bus doesn’t make you a genius; it just earns you free hugs.


Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for his best answers.