I'm Nervous About Getting Married Again. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
I DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED AGAIN BUT I’M DOING IT ANYWAY
Dear Willie D:
So I met a beautiful girl back in September of 2015, and we are getting married. She is a great mother to my children (two boys) from a previous relationship. She and I get along well for the most part. We have only had one argument since we started dating a few weeks after we met, and it really wasn’t about anything serious.
She is a good woman and I know this. But if I know it, so do other men. She is 32, and getting up there in age so she wants to have kids of her own before her biological clock runs out. She hasn’t pressured me to marry her, but I don’t want to take her for granted and lose her. So I plan to propose to her next month at her birthday party before all of her friends and family. I already have the ring.
I know she is the right woman for me. I’m just a little nervous because of how terribly my marriage ended with my kids’ mother. I vowed to never get married again, yet here I am. Am I making a mistake?
Planning to Propose:
Marrying someone out of fear that she may end up with someone else is a horrible idea. I know it sounds a little corny these days, but your No. 1 reason for marrying anyone should be love.
Samuel Johnson once made the famous observation that remarriage "represents the triumph of hope over experience.” If she agrees to marry you, let’s hope for a better experience.
WHICH NAME DO YOU PREFER…CHRISTINA OR CALEIGH?
Dear Willie D:
My husband and I are expecting our first child, a baby girl, in four months. As imagined, we are very excited. Both of our names start with “C,” so we would like to keep the same name theme going. My husband likes Christina, and I like Caleigh.
He is a big fan of yours, so maybe I can persuade him to see things my way if he knows his favorite rapper agrees with me.
I’m flattered, honored and tripping all at the same time on you using me as bait. But it’s cool. Both names are beautiful. I like Christina a lot. It ages well, but it’s common. Unless the name has some significance, such as being the name of your mother, your husband’s mother or a rich aunt who died and left you millions, I say go with Caleigh.
A good compromise could be to use one as a middle name. But if you really want to shake things up, name her Willie D. I mean, I'm practically part of the family anyway.
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MY FAMILY LOOKS DOWN ON ME BECAUSE I HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD
Dear Willie D:
I’ll make this brief. Why should I have to walk on eggshells around my own family because they don’t trust me due to the fact that I have a criminal record?
Now see, if you were a family member of mine and had a criminal record, you’d fit right in. Seriously, my family members probably wouldn’t trust you either; you’d likely be stuck with a shitty job, or unemployed because very few employers are willing to give an ex-con a second chance.
If nobody else is willing to give you a second chance, it seems as though your family would step up to do it. But it looks like they are so paranoid of your criminal history that they laid those eggshells out to hear you coming.
I HAVE LOST CONFIDENCE IN MY COUNTRY’S POLITICAL SYTEM
Dear Willie D:
Maybe I'm just a hard case, but I have lost faith in our country’s political system. Politicians will say or do anything to get a vote. But after they get elected they quickly forget about the promises they made to the American people. The country is in shambles, and Obama leaving won’t make it any better, at least not for the next eight years.
Neither Hillary Clinton nor Donald Trump impresses me enough to cause me to be optimistic about the direction our country is headed. Being a black man, and considering the way blacks have been treated historically in America, I’m sure you’ve never truly been impressed with any president.
But I’ve listened to your music for years, and recently have gotten a chance to listen to your various interviews online. I can appreciate you standing up for what you believe in, and fighting injustice without persecuting all white people. In one of your interviews, you said you can be pro-black without being anti-white, and pro-white without being anti-black. I never heard that before, but it makes sense.
As a white man who loves myself and my white heritage, but does not try to hold others back or hate them for being different, I can respect that. We’re all just trying to do the best we can, Willie, and we’re all in this together: white, black and brown. Keep up the good work, brother.
Thanks for the kind words. You’re right; we are all in this together. The problem is we have too many people on the field playing as an individual in a team sport.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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