I'm Pregnant by a Married Man. Help!

Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!


Dear Willie D:

I'm embarrassed to share this with anybody, but I'm two months pregnant by a married man. We used protection most of the time and whenever we didn't, he always pulled out. I have already notified him of my pregnancy and he told me that the decision to keep the baby is mine, but I'm confused.

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I love him but I don't think he'll leave his wife to give our child the proper family life it should have with both a mother and father living under the same roof. I can't tell my mom about it, and I don't have any friends who are close enough that I can trust with my secret. Should I keep my baby?

Life Decision:

At least you're not delusional about him leaving his wife -- that almost never happens. The decision to keep your baby is a personal one based on what works for you, and your conscience. The good news is the guy is not pressuring you to abort. So there's a good chance he'll participate in raising the child, and providing financial support should you chose to have the baby.

Whatever you decide, I'm willing to bet your mom will support you. Everybody makes mistakes, so don't beat yourself up over yours. Next time, just be more selective with who you fall in love, and share your body with.


Dear Willie D:

When I was in my teens I was a typical rebellious kid and very sexually active. I ran with the wrong crowd, smoked and drunk everything I could get my hands on. I had sex with 38 guys by the time I was 19. It's taken me some time to learn to love myself and respect my body.

Ironically, it wasn't until I started caring about myself in a spiritual way that I met the best guy I've ever known in my life. My problem is that when I met him he asked me how many sexual partners I had been with, and I lied and told him four. He knows that I have had trouble trusting men in the past, but I feel like a hypocrite for lying to him.

I want to come clean with him about my sexual past for my own conscience, not necessarily his. How can I do that without losing his trust?

Coming Clean:

Good seldom comes from candidly disclosing your sexual history; unless you're a virgin or your partner is the type who gets off to such a thing. If it bothers you that much, tell him, but I think you'll be shooting yourself in the foot. Because you weren't honest upfront, he may lose trust in you.

But there's hope. You're already in love with each other, so even though your bond might sustain some damage there's a good chance your boyfriend will eventually forgive you. What's done is done. Those other guys are in your past. The present and the future belongs to him. He's got to know that.

Story continues on the next page.


Dear Willie D:

I am a single mother at the end of my rope with breaking up fights between my son and daughter. My son is seven and my daughter is nine. The only time they don't fight is when they're sleeping. They don't hit [each other], but they argue about everything. A few months ago I almost got into a car accident because I turned to see what they were fighting about.

My son kept putting his foot on my daughter's leg simply to agitate her. It's not all one way though. There have been plenty of times where she's done things to annoy him. Sometimes I might punish them by taking away their phones for a couple of days, or making them sit on the sofa and hold hands for an hour. They hate it, but not enough to respect each other afterward.

With them going tit for tat constantly trying to one up each other, how do I stop them from bumping heads? I don't believe in spankings.

Hands Offspring:

Don't you know that siblings are supposed to argue? No, really. When my son and daughter were younger they used to fight all the time. My son, who is four years younger, was usually the instigator. If you discipline them with firm and consistent consequences, they will grow out of it as mine did.

If you want speedy results you have to hit them where it hurts. Their mom and I took away privileges and prevented them from hanging out with friends, and participating in activities outside of home. The "no friends and activities rule" was highly effective.

Another thing you can do is give them chores each time they argue, but not just any chore. Make them get down and dirty with things like cleaning the toilet, washing windows, mowing the lawn and organizing the garage. As in any relationship eventually each of them will realize that life is more rewarding when they work together. It's up to you to promote a hazard-free environment so nobody gets hurts in the process.


Dear Willie D:

I'm a college student, and I have to write an argumentative on inequality for my sociology class. I have to state my opinion, but I don't know which side to take. The question is, Social Inequality: Real or Fiction?

College Student:

Never write an essay in first person. When you write your essay it needs to be in third person and from a matter-of-fact position. For example: You would say, "Social inequality cannot be solved by legislating people out of poverty," not "I don't believe social inequality can be solved by legislating people out of poverty." Take the side that you're most passionate about.

If you believe that social inequality is a figment of people's imagination, say it's fiction. If you think it's harmful to human progress, your position should be that it's real. However, being passionate isn't enough to write a good essay. Know the facts on both sides and mention the pros and the cons, even if you vehemently disagree with the other side; and above all know your audience.


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Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.

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