I'm Ready to Lose My Virginity. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
I'M 15 AND READY TO LOSE MY V-CARD
Dear Willie D:
I'm crushing on a guy who lives near my cousin who I met a month ago. He is 17 and I'm 15. He is fun, and attractive. I can tell he likes me because he's always calling and texting me, asking how I'm doing. My cousin says he's a player, but I don't see him like that. I know all about safe sex, and how to avoid getting pregnant.
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I have been holding out for the right guy, and I know I'm taking a chance with him, but I'm ready to have sex because I'm always horny. I like him but if he didn't want to see me again it would hurt, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. If I make sure he wears a condom, what's the worst thing that can happen besides him not wanting to see me again?
So you think you're ready for sex because you're horny all the time, huh? Being horny does not mean you're ready for sex. It just means you're horny. Do you know how many young girls who had sex because they were horny, and ended up pregnant, with a venereal disease, or emotionally scarred? Don't discount the fact that condoms often slip off, or break.
The feelings you have are natural. However, I think you're too young emotionally for the consequences associated with sex. But if you're going to do it, which I suspect you will, at least let your first time be with someone you've actually dated. Later in life you'll feel better about yourself; especially when sharing your story with your own daughter. It will look better on your resume.
WHY DO PEOPLE BELIEVE IN GOD?
Dear Willie D:
No one has ever been able to definitively prove that God exists. With so much destruction and chaos in the world, it's impossible to have some great holy spirit floating in the clouds overseeing all that is good and bad in the world.
If there was a God he would not allow babies to be raped, and people to go unfed? God would prevent debilitating diseases from destroying our bodies and he wouldn't let terrorists bomb buildings. If God has all the answers and is the almighty, and can impose his will and has the power to do anything surely he could've prevented slavery and the Holocaust. He could stop racism, sexism and discrimination, right?
I don't understand why people believe in God. From everything I've seen, God has absolutely no more power than a neighborhood bartender. He's just someone you tell your problems to.
There are various reasons why people believe in God. Some people believe in God because they were taught that God is real since they were very young. Some people believe in God because their religion teaches them to, and they need an explanation for why certain things are the way they are in the world. If you are a believer, to say, "It's God will" is all the explanation you need.
There are others who believe in God because they need a higher power; something stronger than themselves to keep them in check. To believe or not to believe is ultimately a personal choice. One thing's for sure: if you don't believe, you better hope like hell you're right.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
Dear Willie D:
My girlfriend gets mad at the slightest thing. One minute we're talking on the phone and she's all loving and sweet, and the next minute she's yelling at me because I'm not speaking loud enough into the phone. We went out to eat with some friends once and everything was going fine. Everybody was sitting around joking and laughing when one of her girlfriends joked about how her old car used to break down in high school and she lost it.
We argue a lot because she likes playing mind games. She has passive-aggression down to a science. She will initiate an argument and play the victim. I don't get it. One minute she's the most fun angelic person to be around and the next she's the antichrist. I really love her so I don't want to end the relationship, but why does she act that way and what can I do to help her stop being so emotionally explosive?
Don't Get It:
It sounds as if your girlfriend has Princess Syndrome. It's used to describe spoiled females, especially teenagers, with tendencies of being self-centered. If you love her so much that you can't let her go, talk to her and tell her how her childish temper tantrums are affecting your relationship.
Personally I don't think any amount of talking is going to help change your girlfriend's erratic behavior. She's uncompromising and inconsiderate of your feelings; probably because she thinks she's better than you. But if you don't mind the headache, hang in there. Hopefully she'll grow out of it -- hopefully.
HOW DO I TELL MY BRIDESMAID SHE'S TOO FAT TO BE IN MY WEDDING?
Dear Willie D:
This is going to sound rude and selfish, but I don't want one of my bridesmaids to participate in my wedding because she's fat. When I first announced my engagement three years ago she was a plus-size girl, but she still had a nice shape. Since then she has had a baby and continues to gain weight to the point where she is hardly recognizable. She has let herself go to embarrassment.
All of the other girls have maintained their figures, and they are all gorgeous. I want to tell her she can't be in my wedding, but I don't know how. With everybody else looking fit and cute, having her in the wedding pictures will look awkward at best. We've been friends since 6th grade.
Asking her to lose the weight is useless; she's easily 100 pounds overweight, and my wedding is in two months. I feel bad for thinking this way but it's my wedding, and I don't think I should have to settle for anything; let alone a bridesmaid. Do you know of a way I can have my wedding without my friend, and still be friends with her?
Bride on the Fence:
Initially I wasn't going to dignify your question with a response, because I think it's utterly repulsive to consider not allowing your friend to participate in your wedding because of her size. It's a wedding, not a fashion show. Please get the thought of your friend not being in your wedding out of your head. To even consider it is not only rude and selfish; it's outright cruel, and you will regret it later in life.
Brides often dream of a perfect wedding. But what makes a wedding perfect are the relationships you have with your guests and the people in your party, not what they look like in a photo book. I hope you put as much effort into honoring your vows.
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