I'm Stuck In the Friend Zone. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
MY MOM WANTS ME TO TELL MY GIRL TO GET AN ABORTION
Dear Willie D:
My mom hates that I’m about to become a father at 23 and I’m not accomplished. She blames my live-in girlfriend for me dropping out of college and losing my license for a DWI. All I can say is that it’s complicated. My mom has always hated my girl, and she hates her even more now that she’s pregnant.
She told me that I’m too young for kids, but she had me when she was a teenager, so isn’t that a bit hypocritical? She has said that I need to tell my girlfriend to abort. When I told her I’m not doing that, she said, “It’s either her or me?” I told her fine, and left her house. She hasn’t been to visit me in a week, and she used to drop by my apartment almost every day.
What do you say to your mother when she wants you to kill your baby?
Your mother is entitled to feel the way she does. She doesn’t like your girlfriend, and she feels that you’re too young to father a child. That said, she can’t force your girlfriend to abort, so if you guys want the baby, like it or not, she’s going to be a grandmother. There’s not a lot to say to her at the moment because she’s steamed.
Give it some time. She’ll come around to accepting your decision to not only have the baby, but to be with the child’s mother because you are going to tell her it’s a package deal whenever she wants to spend time with her grandchild. Grandmothers love their grandchildren, and your child’s grandmother needs to know that she can’t love your child and hate the woman who gave birth to your child.
Also, parents often insert themselves into their children’s decisions because they don’t want them making the same mistakes they made. That’s called wisdom, not hypocrisy.
IS THIS GOING ANYWHERE?
Dear Willie D:
I met a girl several months ago at a party, and we exchanged numbers after talking for a while. Since then we have gone out a few times and talk on the phone at least once a week. I have told her I want a relationship with her, but she said she’s not ready. But she makes time for me if I invite her out somewhere, and she calls me all the time.
I used to be a player, but she doesn’t know that. So I don’t understand why she won’t commit to me. I’m not a needy person, but I need to know if this is going anywhere?
You’re in the friend zone, which means you have all the responsibilities of a boyfriend with none of the benefits. Move on and save your time, energy and romantic thoughts for someone who will reciprocate them.
OUR FRIENDS ARE HURTING OUR RELATIONSHIP
Dear Willie D:
It’s obvious that as a friend you should stay out of your friends’ affairs, but my boyfriend and I didn’t get the memo. My boyfriend’s best friend got into a fight with his girlfriend, so his girlfriend came to stay the night at our house, which my boyfriend was against.
Two days later when her boyfriend found out she was at our house, he got into a huge argument with my boyfriend. So now they’re on bad terms, and my boyfriend is blaming me. She didn’t have anywhere to go. Was I supposed let her sleep in the car? Should I not have helped my friend out?
It’s unfortunate that your boyfriend and his friend fell out behind your decision to help a friend who happened to be his girlfriend. Your boyfriend could have limited his liability by simply calling his friend and telling him what the situation was. He could have stressed to his friend to stay away, and allow his girl to crash at your house until things cool off.
His friend probably would have respected that more than him conspiring with you to hide his girl. You weren’t wrong for helping your friend, so don’t beat yourself up. What you did was honorable.
WAS I WRONG FOR BEING RUDE TO UNINVITED GUESTS AT MY WEDDING?
Dear Willie D:
I got married last week and I had some uninvited guests who were former friends attend my wedding and reception. I did not say anything at the wedding because I was unaware of their presence until it was over. When my wedding was over, the two wedding crashers came up to me with hugs and congratulations.
I was outwardly cordial; however, once the reception started and they were sitting down to be served I told the servers to skip their table. They were so embarrassed that they got up and left, and everybody noticed.
My dad said I should have let it go, but I feel it was their karma for being typical catty females who ruined a great friendship with gossip. Who was right?
Both of you were right, but you were righter. If you had let it go and taken the high road as your dad suggested, sure it would have been a classy move, but your ex-friends would have gotten the last laugh once again.
I have a deep resentment for people who invite themselves to private gatherings. That’s why when I got married, before anyone could get near the yacht, I had personnel at the dock entry checking off names on the guest list. If anyone had slipped past security, and they were discovered later, I would have had no problem making them part of the highlight reel. It’s not about class. It’s the principle.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.