I'm Tired of Being a Failure. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
Dear Willie D:
My girl just broke up with me because, as she puts it, I’m depressing to be around. I had a job working for my mom’s good friend, and was let go because she discovered I was smoking pot in the bathroom. I don’t have any friends. When I’m in public people don’t look at me, they look through me. It just seems I can’t do anything right. How do I get out of this funk?
Back in my boxing days, my uncle who trained me would say, “The guy who can take a punch has more heart than the guy who can give a punch.” You’ve taken quite a few punches, but you’re still standing, right? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Millions of successful people survive similar challenges every day.
In the future, whatever it is that you’re trying accomplish, before you begin, think about what it is that you want the end result to be, then make a plan to ensure your actions are in agreement. That means finding something to do that lifts your spirits and makes you happy so you aren’t walking around depressed, bringing your lady down.
And no smoking pot on the job, unless you become an astronaut. Then you could really be high in the sky.
MY MAN IS FOR GUN CONTROL, BUT I'M AGAINST IT
Dear Willie D:
I come from a family of hunters. I was introduced to shooting guns when I was nine. Every single person in my family owns a gun. When I met my boyfriend, I tried to hide this fact from him in the beginning because I really liked him, and I knew he was a gun-control opponent.
We’ve been together over a year now and we get along wonderful, until some nut blasts a bunch of innocent people or a kid accidentally shoots and kills himself and it’s all over the liberal news. I love my boyfriend like I’ve never loved a man before. We’re able to work out any problems we have except the issue of gun control.
Both of us are passionate about our position, and I don’t see him or me bending to accommodate the other. So how do we resolve this before it rips our relationship apart?
If you love guns and your boyfriend hates them, you should just pack your things and burn rubber — unless he’s rich. Okay, seriously, you guys should sit down and have a real conversation about what each of you wants out of your relationship. If you love each other and agree on most issues, I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to come to an amicable resolution on the issue of gun control.
Although I believe that some control is needed, I’m on your side about gun rights. We live in a dangerous society where the strong often impose their will on the weak. Maybe the reason your boyfriend hates guns is because he grew up in a sleepy town where nothing ever happens. I’m not walking around looking for trouble, but if it presents itself, I want to be ready.
Dear Willie D:
I’ve been dating this girl exclusively for two months. We’re both seniors in high school. When I try to kiss her, she turns away, and overall she shows very little affection toward me. Why does she act like that?
I can’t tell you why your girlfriend isn’t giving you more. If your girl is showing you very little affection, the best person to ask why that is, is her. It may be that she is one of the rare ones who simply want to take it slow. She may even want to wait until she’s married. So ask her why she’s holding back. Communication is the key, homey.
If you can’t accept her answer, then you should make like the scarecrow in The Wiz and ease on down the road to find someone who will give you what you need.
I’M GETTING DIVORCED AND DON'T WANT IT TO BE MESSY
Dear Willie D:
I’m divorcing my husband on the grounds of desertion and adultery. The problem is that he is a well-connected professional, and quite cunning. Sometimes he’s mean to me, while at other times he’s the nicest guy ever. Not even his own family members know the depth of his conniving ways. He is also extremely vindictive.
My hope is to get a share of the business we built together, and be the custodial parent after the divorce. But I know he will fight me for both, principally the business. How do I get what I want without going through a messy divorce like my friend did?
Desertion and Adultery:
After reading your profile of your husband, I don’t think it’s possible to avoid a messy divorce. Vindictive people don’t suddenly stop being vindictive because their opponent wants a fair fight.
Here’s what you can do: Consult with an experienced divorce attorney, and let her walk you through the process. She will be able to help with the legalities and offer invaluable insight on the best way to go about transitioning out of the marriage. Don’t aggravate the situation by being vengeful or cocky, and leave your emotions out of it.
Simply go after what you feel is worth fighting for, and do what’s best for not only yourself, but the kids you have together. Also, in the future, remember, if someone is nice to you sometimes, and mean to you sometimes, you should stay away from that person all the time. And don't let him put his lips on your water bottle, either!
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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