Kiss Off: Five Songs for Ex-Astros Manager Cecil Cooper
Kaz to Coop: Don't let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you...
Aaron M. Sprecher
In news that may well come as a shock to anyone who doesn't follow baseball, Astros manager Cecil Cooper was fired Monday. Coop led Houston to a disappointing 70-79 record, with the final straw coming in the form of last week's road trip, in which the Astros went 0-6 against the equally dismal Reds and Brewers. But enough with the statistics. Even as we speak, Cooper is packing up his office, and you need suggestions for appropriate songs to blast from your speakers as he trudges to his car one final time. Well, here you go.
It's unfair but true, Coop: your 171-170 overall record with the Astros will most assuredly "go down on your permanent record." Did we happen to mention that we're [not] impressed?
Queen, "Who Needs You?": A lesser-known cut from News of the World, this one is refreshingly to the point. And the calypso beat really takes some of the sting out of the lyrics (although the video makes it look like this was a John Deacon solo effort).
Ray Charles, "Hit the Road, Jack": An obvious choice, perhaps, but it makes its point with refreshing directness. And you'll be happy for Brother Ray's mellifluous delivery when you hear the rest of the songs on this list.
2 Live Crew, "Get the Fuck out of My House": Well, this is pleasant. For those who don't value conciliatory sentiment or skillful rhyming, there's aways the Crew. We remember an interview Branford Marsalis did with Spin magazine in 1990 where he lamented the fact that talk shows couldn't get anybody with a better command of English to represent the hip-hop community than the grammatically embarrassing Luther Campbell.
Slayer, "Exile": Tom Araya and company could use a few lessons in sugarcoating, and Slayer Charm School would make the Rock of Love version look like Full House. However, if Slayer's not your speed, there's also a song of the same name by Enya. Pansies.
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