Laying Odds On Rick Ross' Arena Theatre Show Sunday
Ricky Rozay will come thundering into town this Sunday. This is a most excellent situation. Saying that Ross is only a little intriguing is like saying that his waistline is only a little oversized; he is perhaps the world's most interesting pseudo-thug.
Lots of people went yo-yo when he was "exposed" for having been a correctional officer in 2008 - some are still pissed about that today. It's a ridiculous notion. Rappers, by and large, are entertainers and actors. They needn't be involved in actual murders or drug dealing, they only need to be able to talk about it in a generally pleasing and entertaining manner.
You think Ethan Hawke actually smoked marijuana laced with PCP in Training Day? Of course not. And that shit owned.
If we were to form a hypothesis on the situation, we'd guess that Ricky's law-enforcement past somehow made him even more likeable. He instantaneously became the guy that brags about having "made out with, like, at least 50 chicks last night." That guy is always fun (or funny), even when he's not trying to be.
Some more guesses/bets/propositions/hypotheses for Sunday's show:
The Surest Bet To Make: The crowd is going to go absolutely ballistic when he performs "BMF Freestyle." Every concert we've been to since Teflon Don came out has used it to get the crowd amped, and it's worked nearly every single time. It should be at least as electric as when J-Dawg did "First 48" when he opened for Jeezy recently at Arena Theatre.
By the way, people immediately christened "BMF" as Ross's best musical contribution ever as soon as it came out. That's a fallacy. Ross will never ever top "Hustlin'." Never. Not ever.
Overall Odds On Specific Houston Rappers Showing Up:
Slim Thug: 1.5 to 1
They had their brief little online spat, sure, but they immediately patched that up by releasing a (mostly unenjoyable) song shortly thereafter. Thugga will be there. Book it.
Trae: 3 to 1
Trae and Ross have all kinds of ties together, so this should* be a no-brainer. But Trae has continued to be at odds with most of the other Houston rappers for their non-support of him regarding the ongoing Ban. Whether or not he shows up will be one of the most interesting plot points of the evening.
*Question: Are they advertising this show on The Box? It's been a while since we've tuned in. If so, that might increase the odds to 4:1 or maybe even 5:1. Or, shoot, it might cut it down to 1:1, with Trae showing up just to spite them. Who knows anymore?
Bun B: 1 to 4
If Bun is in town, he will be there. We've discussed this before.
Scarface: 1,000,000 to 1
You might as well place a bet that when the sun rises tomorrow it's going to be bright purple and smell like cheese. Scarface doesn't even show up to Scarface's concerts.
Chamillionaire: 20 to 1
Does anybody know where Cham's been lately? We miss that guy.
Best Guess Of What Time Ross Will Actually Take The Stage: We're going to go with 11:08 p.m., an absurdity considering that means he'll only be doing about 42 minutes of music if he waits until then. Still, there's no chance he goes on before 10:45.
Best Guess Of How Many White Women With Bob Haircuts Will Be In Attendance: The over/under on this has to be 8.5. This is always the single most intriguing subplot involving white women and hair at any big rap concert. You can pretty much gauge how popular a rapper is by how many white women he brings out.
Best Guess For How Many Guys Will Be Onstage With Ross: This is tricky. It could very well be 40 (he likes to posture, we hear) or two (he's a bit of spotlight hog, we hear). Let's lock in the former, which will absolutely be miserable for the people in the first eight rows.
Best Guess For Which Strip Club He'll End Up At Later That Evening: Dreams. There is no doubt.
Best Guess If It Will Be A Better Show Than Young Jeezy's Excellent Recent Arena Appearance: You know, Rozay has a ton of reasons as to why this show should be better, but we're not certain he feels as obliged to Houston to do a great job as Jeezy felt. This will be a good show, and people will most certainly have favorite parts, but we'd guess that no one will be talking about it in two weeks.
Unless someone starts shooting. Then all bets are off.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Houston, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.