It was just six years ago that the world was in love with Lindsay Lohan, the grown-up child star of The Parent Trap and that year's Mean Girls. At the time, Craig's Hlist was dating a girl who forbade her visage at every turn - we were a Hilary Duff couple, and in her mind Lohan and Duff were apparently mortal enemies.
CL thought Mean Girls was very funny and showed that Lohan wasn't just a pretty face, but could actually make you laugh. She could even sing, sort of. Those statements would have meant a swift kick to the pants for us at one time.
But then Lohan's long downward slope of sans-panty paparazzi pics, cocaine, booze, dalliances with a list of major actors and an improbable lesbian courtship with celebrity DJ Samantha Ronson began. She would dye her trademark red hair black or blonde depending on a whim or whatever chemical strain she was on, and tarnished why Craig's Hlist even dug her in the first place.
The party ended last week, when a judge in Los Angeles sentenced Lohan to 90 days in county jail for not adequately keeping her part of the rehab bargain stemming from her numerous arrests and infractions. Six years from Mean Girls, she should be an A-list actress flirting with Oscars and not sleeping on a concrete cot and fighting chicks on her cell block for tampons. But that's where we are today.
We gathered a list (or hlist, as it were), of songs to get Lohan in the mood for her jail experience. May she not get hit in the face with a meal tray, and may her Valium prescription always be filled for all 90 days. Remember, Lindsay, kick someone's ass the first day there, and befriend a kindly black con who will get you posters and rock hammers.
Johnny Cash, "Folsom Prison Blues"
I hear that paparazzi train a-coming; it's rolling down the bend. I ain't seen the velvet rope since I don't know when...
Bobby Fuller Four, "I Fought The Law"
She tried to fight the law as much she could, even crying in court and writing "Fuck U" on her nails. But alas, the law had the last laugh. Seriously, who writes that on their nails if they're not in sophomore English class?
Skid Row, "18 and Life"
If you think about it, she really has been on lockdown since she turned 18. Tabloids, drugs, sexcapades, the party life. How horrific. She's like Nelson Mandela or something.
