Balls-deep in that miry slough of disappointment that seems to befall every major artist who wants to change the world, Lupe Fiasco has been in a controlled rage lately. That can only mean one thing: His next album will boast songs about anyone who so much as snickers at him.
But poking the bear is only one way to get him to fight back. If you're somewhat famous and in dire need of attention, please follow these four steps and you just might land on Lupe's next album.
4. SLAP HIM WITH A BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT
Not everyone is enamored by Lupe's ability to conjure immoderately elaborate rhymes at will. No, not even the wise ol' sage Soulja Boy. Soulja Boy recently told XXL magazine that he doesn't want to be "super lyrical" like Lupe, lest people break their rewind button while trying to decode his rhymes.
Just days after the interview went viral, Lupe unleashed the defensive "Super Lyrical Lupe." In a tone vacillating between arrogance and defiance, he bragged about his lyricism and sarcastically thanked Soulja for the backhanded compliment.
3. DISS HIS ALBUMS
The only thing Lupe loves more than a backhanded compliment is an insult. Shortly after Atlantic Records deemed his eternally delayed third album, Lasers, unfit for release, Carrera Lu retaliated with "The Show Goes On." Subliminal as a bottle to the head, the Modest Mouse-inspired single might as well have told Atlantic honchos to go fuck themselves.
2. MOVE TO HOUSTON
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Houston is Lupe's favorite city not named Chicago. Need proof? Check out "Hip-Hop Saved My Life," off Lupe Fiasco's The Cool. He fell in love with H-town and its hip-hop players after Bun B led him on a tour of the city. "It is based on Slim Thug," Lupe once revealed. "I was with him when we shot the video, and he was like, 'Yo, is this song about me?' I didn't know at the time, but there was a situation in Houston where they were trying to figure out who the song was about. Was it about Slim Thug? Was it about Chamillionaire? And it was about Slim Thug."
1. IF ALL ELSE FAILS, IMPERSONATE A SUPERNATURAL CHARACTER
Fact: Lupe is obsessed with supernatural characterizations. Just ask his characters The Game and The Streets, who inspired the songs "He Say/She Say" and "The Cool." According to Lupe, "The Streets is a female. She's like the action personification of the streets, the street life, the call of the streets. The Game is the same way. The Game is the personification of the game. The pimp's game, the hustler's game, the con man's game, whatever."
The Game sounds like a jerk. So, your best bet is to show up at Lupe's condo in a Lady Gaga meat dress and insist that you're the real life Streets.