Lyrics That Make Terrible Facebook Status Updates
DTF for sure.
Ever seen a nonsensical, irrelevant Britney Spears or Drake lyric on your Facebook news feed that made you cringe? We have - about 56, and the workday isn't even over yet. Some lyrics should stay on the radio and off the Facebook circuit.
Perhaps instead of simply asking, "What's on your mind?" they should be more specific and ask this follow up question: "Is that what's really on your mind? Do you really have anything substantial to contribute to our online community?"
Here's a list of some radio releases, album cuts, and alt-chick classics that have, unfortunately, manifested themselves onto our news feeds at various times.
Keri Hilson, "Pretty Girl Rock": "Pretty as a picture, sweeter than a Swisha/ Don't hate me 'cuz I'm beautiful"
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Kelsea Ballerini - The First Time Tour
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MIX 96.5 Not So Silent Night with Train and Fitz & the Tantrums
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Flosstradamus - Hi Def Youth Tour 2016
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This status is indicative of some possible self-esteem issues. The person who posts this probably has a "well-behaved women rarely make history" quote on their About Me section. Nobody is sure who said that first, by the way; sometimes it's Marilyn Monroe and sometimes Eleanor Roosevelt.
We propose that the original source was just a lonely chick who wanted an excuse to behave badly. Bless you, you dirty Aristotle. "Dirty Aristotle"... that actually has a nice ring to it.
Rihanna, "S&M": "Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me"
Bottom line: Whoever posts any part of "S&M" is DTF. This song is absolutely frightening.
Alicia Keys feat. Drake, "Unthinkable": "Life is what we make it and a chance is like a picture/ It'd be nice if you'd just take it"
SO CRYPTIC. This is the infamous subliminal status update. Typical of Drake's lines, this sounds extremely brainless without a beat or the assistance of Alicia Keys.
Black Eyed Peas, "I Gotta Feeling": "I got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good nighttttttttttttttttt"
We had to extend the last word because this is a necessary attribute of the obvious "going out with my girls" pre-game status, the one that comes before the subsequent "LAJKDFLDRUNK" update. On a more positive note, this is probably a good candidate for a 4 a.m. meet-up.
Kanye West, "Monster": "I'm living in the future so my present is the past/ My presence is a present, kiss my ass"
Understand that only Kanye can use this line. It's almost too cheesy for anyone else to try.
Britney Spears, "Hold it Against Me": "If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me? You feel like paradise and I need vacation tonight"
Taking a clichéd pickup line and revamping it by adding a vacation in man-paradise is like a bad leftover recipe - a little bit of old, a little bit of new, and a lot of gastrointestinal complications afterwards.
Taylor Swift, "Back to December": "It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine"
We'll see an influx of these the closer we get to Valentine's Day. If not this song, then probably a Lady Antebellum song.
Death Cab for Cutie, "I Will Possess Your Heart": "How I wish you could see the potential of you and me/ It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language that you can't read just yet"
La Roux, "Bulletproof": "This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof"
We doubt it.
Nicki Minaj, "Right Thru Me": "The good advice I always hated, but looking back it made me greater/ Know when I'm lying, know when I'm crying/ It's like you got it down to a science"
Lonely Island and Nicki Minaj, "Creep": "When a fine PYT walks in front of your tree, do the creep, do the creep/ When you sneak into a wake and you see a beefcake, do the creep, do the creep"
This is the most recent example of a played-out Lonely Island status update. Just when we think we're clear of any more "On a Boat" or "Dick In a Box" lyrics, they give us another reason to resent them.
The Smiths, "Girl Afraid": "Girl afraid, where do his intentions lay? Or does he even have any? She said, 'He never really looks at me, I give him every opportunity'"
Quintessential Morrissey reference for that Zooey Deschanel-lookin' ass.
Best Coast, "The Sun Was High (And So Was I)": "I went for a walk, watched the cars go by/ The sun was high, I thought of you"
Hipsters can fall in luv too, y'all.
Oasis, "Wonderwall": "I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now"
Bright Eyes, "Lover I Don't Have To Love": "You write such pretty words, but life's no storybook/ Love's an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt/ Do you like to hurt?"
We know how devoted Bright Eyes fans are, and that Conor Oberst is a demigod, but this line is straight out of an 8th grader's Xanga....not speaking from experience or anything. Whatever.
Drake, "Miss Me": "I love myself because I swear their life is just not as fun"
All American Rejects, "Gives You Hell": "When you see my face, I hope it gives you hell. When you walk my way, I hope it gives you hell"
Anna Nalick, "Breathe (2 a.m.)": "Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable/ And life's like an hourglass glued to the table"
Billy Currington, "People are Crazy": "God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy"
Wiz Khalifa, "Mezmorized": "I don't love 'em- I don't chase 'em, I duck 'em."
Dave Matthews Band, "Crash Into Me": "Sweet like candy to my soul/ Sweet you rock and sweet you roll"
What are some of the corniest and/or overdone lyrics-turned-status updates you've seen on your own news feed?
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