Rose McGowan. Dita Von Teese. Evan Rachel Wood. They're all talented, beautiful and have all been to bed with super-freak Marilyn Manson. Though this will never make sense to us, we can't help wondering which other entertainment types might satisfy Manson's appetite for the bizarre.
Lindsay Lohan: Lohan is beautiful, we'll give her that. Ever since she got "sober," she's been taking some of the best photos of her life. Don't undervalue this quality, because Manson seems to place substantial value on a mate's ability to look good in front of the paparazzi. (Remember McGowan's string dress at the MTV Awards?) The fact that Lohan is also prone to erratic, often dangerous, behavior — like chasing men down in SUVs — is a cherry on the top of this dysfunctional-flavored cake.
Renée Zellweger: Like Lohan, Zellweger is two shades of pale away from being completely transparent. If the light is shining right, you can actually see her intestines. This is like crack to Manson, whose girlfriends are always in desperate need of sunscreen. On top of being hot, famous and ghostly, Zellweger also has a thing for musicians (Jack White) and guys posing as musicians (Kenny Chesney).
Marilyn Manson performs 8 p.m. Sunday, March2, at Verizon Wireless Theater, 520 Texas, 713-230-1600. Ours is also on the bill.
Vanessa Hudgens: Hudgens is young, but don't think that matters to Manson – Wood was the same age (19) when he dumped wife Von Teese to get with her. Age (and her dark hair, which Manson favors) probably won't be enough to do it, though, so let's look at this from a mercenary perspective: Hudgens could fully shed her good-girl image — the oh-so-all-natural nude photos she took for über-white-bread boyfriend Zac Efron didn't quite erase it — while the faux-anti-establishment Manson would benefit from being seen as the corrupter of a sugary-sweet hero to millions of tweens.
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Ann Coulter: We can't imagine a celebrity sex tape we'd be more willing to pay good money to own. There's little doubt Coulter, a notoriously conservative author and hate-monger, would cry her way through the hideous encounter. That alone would make us laugh like giddy schoolchildren, but it's actually the vacant look in her eyes that would follow that we'd most want to celebrate. In other words, we're not rooting for this hook-up for Manson's benefit. We just want to see Coulter suffer, and then replay it over and over again.