My Family Won't Accept My Man. Help!
Photo by Jeff FItlow
THE GIRL I WAS TALKING TO SUDDENLY CUT ME OFF
Dear Willie D:
First of all, I've been a fan since I was 13. But anyway, I started talking to this girl on Twitter awhile back; her name is Melissa. I'm from Mississippi, she's from Australia and we had a lot of things in common. We had a huge love for '90s hip-hop, and she told me things no other female has said before.
For instance, whenever I would call myself ugly, she would tell me not to say that and that I was handsome. Whenever I would tell her that I wanted to be her husband and the father of her kids, she would tell me to hurry up and come to Australia. She also gave me some good advice on how not to focus on looks, but personality, and how she could see herself with me. But for some odd reason, things went sour.
She wouldn't reply to me on Snapchat. She blocked me on Instagram. I tried to ask her was she angry with me on Twitter, but she blocked me on there, too. Please tell me what I should do. Why did she do that all of a sudden? We were really close for like two years. Why did she ignore me all of a sudden?
Who knows? It could be a million reasons why she cut you off suddenly. Maybe she has a new boyfriend, or she’s going through something emotional and needs space. Maybe she was kidnapped by a group of fifth-graders and is being held hostage in exchange for a lifetime supply of Hawaiian pizza and Chuck E. Cheese's tokens, and you wasn’t blocked by her but the leader of the gang, Jimmy Lil’ Bawls.
Whatever her reasoning was, after two years she could have ended the relationship with a little more class and respect. If I were you, I wouldn’t wreck my brain stressing and speculating. I would move on, and not waste a morsel of energy on her.
Going forward, how you view your looks should be based not on other people’s definition of what attractiveness is, but yours. If your belief is that you’re attractive, you will feel attractive. In any event, if you do think you’re ugly, don’t say it to the girl you’re trying to date. Self-belittlement is unattractive.
MY CHURCH IS TRYING TO FORCE ME TO PAY TITHES
Dear Willie D:
I lost my job a few weeks ago. Up until then, I was making good money and enjoying a nice lifestyle. Well, now that my finances are tight, I need to be proactive about cutting back on my spending because I don’t know how long it will be before I get a new job.
I actually bought a watch yesterday, and took it back today after my girl complained about how stupid I was to buy a $400 watch with no job or income. But my girl isn’t the problem. She was right. My issue is that I received a past due notice for tithes from my church. WTH?
I thought church was supposed to be to worship. When I called bookkeeping and told them my situation, I was told that all adult members have a mandatory $35 minimum contribution to stay on the church roll. I feel guilty for not paying my tithes, but at the moment I’m barely getting by. Since when does the church force its parishioners to pay for membership?
Where have you been in the past few decades? Churches are big business, and big business demands a full account of checks and balances — preferably your checks and balances.
WE PLANNED ON ONE KID BUT WE’RE HAVING TWO. HELP!
Dear Willie D:
My girlfriend and I just found out we’re having twins. We planned on having one kid, not two. The revelation has sabotaged our plans, mainly because we don’t have enough money to raise two kids. We were going to use most of the little money we have saved to have a decent wedding. Now it looks like we’re going to have to wait.
Please help me think of something that I can do to improve my situation and deal with the responsibility of raising two kids with a combined take-home salary of $3,200 a month?
Apply for a better-paying job, or think of something that doesn’t cost a lot of money to get in on, cut back on your wedding expenses [or] take most of the money you have saved and invest in a small business. As the business grows, you or your wife can quit your job to work the business full-time. Whoever has the job that has the best combined income and health benefits should keep his or her job for the time being.
You guys are going to need the health benefits, especially for prenatal care, birth and after-birth care. Good luck and congratulations. Life is about to become pretty amazing.
MY MOM AND SISTER WON’T ACCEPT MY MAN. HELP!
Dear Willie D:
I moved in with an old friend five years ago because my lease was up. Five years later, we fell in love and are now engaged. Everyone (especially my dad) is ecstatically happy for us, except my mom and sister. They always said he was using me and would discard me once he's done with me. They claimed he would never marry me; however, if he proposed, they would welcome him.
A month later, my sister has not said anything to me and treats me as if I don't exist. My mom's only response was insulting my ring. They both keep playing the martyr card — oh "woe is me," I am the bad big sister and daughter. My mom has missed out on so many moments, including my engagement and all the happiness and joy that comes with it.
My dad keeps telling me to be the bigger person, but how many emotional bitch-slaps can one take? I have always kept the door open for them, but I am done trying. It hurts my heart knowing my sister won't be up there standing next to me. Hell, I don't even know if she would show up. Also, because of all of this, our families have yet to meet. Please help me!!!
Why don’t you ask your mom and sister why it is that they don’t approve of your fiancé? Maybe they know something you don’t. I could be wrong, but your mom sounds like a hater. I mean, who insults her daughter’s wedding ring?
Seems to me you’re happy. If that’s the case, assuming your mom and sister can’t provide evidence that your soon-to-be husband has plans to rob little kids for bags on Halloween, I say continue to leave the door open for them to accept your fiancé. Just make sure when they walk through the door, they don’t bring in with them misery and negativity.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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