My Fiancé Confessed He Wants to Sleep With My Best Friend. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
I'M 40 AND I WANT A PATERNITY TEST!
Dear Willie D:
My father was a married man who cheated on his wife and will not admit to her that he's my father. I have letters he wrote to my mother, I have photos, and I have memories of my childhood of going to my grandmother's house and knowing family members. I want a relationship more than anything and his wife is so hateful that she won't allow me to talk to him to resolve this.
He's military and if he passes I'm due to receive some things, but there's so much opposition. If I do nothing about clearing up paternity and shutting up his wife I won't get anything. What do I do?
Paternity tests are usually conducted in cases where children are involved. Your alleged father doesn't seem to be up for shaking up things at home by claiming you as his child. So your next move would be to file a paternity suit, but you will be hard pressed to find a court in America that's going to force him to sit still and have his cheek swabbed to determine whether his DNA matches a possible 40-year old kids'.
A judge might order a paternity test and he could legally become your father by default for refusing to follow court orders. However, unless he dies and there's a substantial amount of money involved, the truth is likely to be taken to the grave with him whenever he checks out.
MY FIANCE CONFESSED TO ME THAT HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH MY BEST FRIEND
Dear Willie D:
The other night while making love to my fiancé and fantasizing, I asked him if he could have any other woman but me, who would it be. After reassuring him that he had a free pass to name anybody he wanted to, he said my best friend's name.
In a way it killed my mood, but at the same time I got hot thinking of the possibility of a threesome with the two people I loved the most outside of a blood relationship. But since that night, I no longer trust my fiancé around my friend, and I'm afraid he may be capable of cheating on me. Yes, I brought this on myself, but am I wrong to feel the way I do?
Sexual Fantasy Rule #1: No judging. If you hadn't initiated everything, we wouldn't be here, would we? You can't help the way you feel, but you are dead wrong to hold your boyfriend accountable for your mistrust. You can't tell someone it's okay to eat your cupcake, then call them greedy for doing it.
HAVE I BEEN OFFICIALLY FRIEND ZONED OR IS THERE STILL A CHANCE?
Dear Willie D, There's this girl at my job that I've been attracted to for a while. She's smart and funny, and her smile would light up the darkest room. She moved to my city almost two years ago and we've done pretty much everything together: movies, gone out to eat, bowling, etc. A year ago I asked her out on an official date and it was shut down. Then I found out she was doing the online dating thing, which hasn't been successful -- had me thinking, "What is it I'm doing wrong?"
Nothing has changed since then. We still hang out, talk frequently and she still laughs at all of my jokes. So my question is, do I try one more time and throw the Hail Mary pass and hope it's caught, or just let it be? Does she know that I'm attracted to her still, and if so, is she just leading me on or am I stuck in the bottomless friend zone pit?
You threw the Hail Mary pass when you asked her out on an official date and she said no without requesting a rain check. Yes, she knows you're still attracted to her, and no, she isn't leading you on. She likes you as a friend and she's probably come to the conclusion that if she dismissed every guy who was romantically interested in her, she would have zero male friends. So she keeps you around in hopes that you will move on and find someone else.
It doesn't mean she doesn't want to employ you. She just don't think you're management material. As Teddy Pendergrass once said, "It's so good lovin' somebody and somebody loves you back." I hate to break it to you, homey, but it's time to move on. You're so deep in the friend zone that you've met her boyfriend's parents and helped him pick out an engagement ring.
HIS FAMILY IS TOO DAMN NOSY
Dear Willie D:
In my mother-in-law's twisted mind, I can do nothing right. She complains to my husband about how I raise my kids. My son is autistic, and she made the comment that I shouldn't let him dress himself. He is 13 years old and has his own identity. He's not the best dresser, but I don't see anything wrong with allowing him to have his own individuality.
My husband's sister is no better. She has this thing where she thinks she is perfect and it's her way or no way. I don't know how people who are as mean as his mother and sister could have the same blood as someone as kind as my husband.
I can't stand them. I get mad at my husband sometimes because I think he should do more to make them respect his wife and the mother of his children. I'm now pregnant with my third child and I don't want any of them and their negative energy in the delivery room. Am I being unreasonable?
Unfortunately, some in-laws have a problem letting go, especially mother-in-laws. It's your life, and your baby. If you don't want your in-laws in the delivery room, notify the hospital staff, and they will keep them out. Having action at being involved in the lives of children who aren't your own is not a right, it's a privilege -- and privileges can be revoked.
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