My Folks Don't Know My Teenage Sister Is Eloping. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
MY GROUP MEMBER MAKES JOKES ABOUT MY RELIGION
Dear Willie D:
I am a Black Muslim living in the U.S. who serves as a mentor for a male youth organization in Texas. Occasionally I have noticed that one of the mentors who is a Christian will make negative comments about my religion. He tries to put it in humorous context, but I have yet to find anything funny.
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Whenever we go to a restaurant as a group I always double-check with the waiter to make sure my food is not made with pork products. Without fail, he will seize the moment to make fun of the verity that I don't eat pork. He also frowns on my reference to God as Allah, which simply means, "The God" [the same God as Christians believe in]. It's just that we do not attribute Jesus or the Holy Spirit to him.
The guy is a pain in the side. If it wasn't for the young men I serve I would have long ago disassociated myself with the organization. Why do Christians think they have a right to impose their religion on the rest of us?
As you know, with being a member of such a diverse religion, it is very dangerous and ignorant to generalize. Not all Christians think they have a right to impose their religion on the rest of us. But I hear what you're saying. It boils down to people fearing what they don't understand. Your group member is ignorant to Muslim beliefs, so teach him. Pull him to the side and tell him how offensive it is to you when he makes fun of your religion.
Remind him that you don't disrespect his religion, so you would appreciate it if he didn't disrespect yours. Express to him that if there's anything about the Muslim religion he wants to know, you will be happy to inform him and clear up any misconceptions. This is really about simply respecting the rights and culture of others. I'm not Jewish, but what is it going to hurt if I wish them Happy Hanukkah?
Dear Willie D:
I work at a donut shop in the Phoenix area. Every morning the same old lady comes to the shop and harasses the employees. She complains about everything: the coffee is either too cold or too hot; the table needs cleaning; you're taking too long; the donuts don't taste the same; there's nowhere to park. It's always something. It's gotten to the point that it's amusing.
We now take bets on which employee she will single out to insult next. I think she is lonely because she comes into the shop every day depressed and grumpy. I'm helping my brother organize a community event next month and I was thinking about inviting her, but I'm afraid she may embarrass me if I ask her. What do you think?
Afraid of Embarrassment:
I think that's a beautiful idea. So often when people present themselves in an impolitic manner we are quick to dismiss them. You never know what someone is going through. Sometimes all it takes is one kind gesture to give hope to the hopeless and love to the loved-less. Hostility is unsettled but compassion is immovable.
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Dear Willie D:
I haven't had an orgasm with my husband since we've been married [9 years]. I have managed to give myself orgasms. I'm still attracted to him, but I just can't come to a climax when we're making love. Is it him, or me?
It's you, and your husband. Most women can't reach a climax from intercourse alone because their clitoris isn't getting enough stimulation. Many women enjoy oral sex so if that's your thing tell him so the next time you're together intimately. Also before, and during penetration get him to gently stroke your clitoris with his fingers, or a sex toy using lots of lubricant or you can do it yourself.
You guys need to work together, and not play the blame game. You're just as responsible for your orgasm and his as he is for his, and yours.
SHOULD I TELL MY PARENTS THAT MY SISTER IS ELOPING?
Dear Willie D:
My sister, who is a freshman in college, told me she is going to elope on her 18th birthday in two weeks. She is doing it because she knows my parents will never approve of her boyfriend who cursed my mom out about four months ago, and has been to jail for burglary. Her boyfriend really isn't a bad guy. Other than his temper, he is great to be around. I don't know how to feel about all of this. I love my sister and I don't want to rat her out, but this is a big step.
We have always kept our secrets between us, and had each other's backs for better or worse. When I damaged my dad's car last year and had it painted, she never once said anything to anyone. Our parents aren't the best, but they aren't the worst either. If my sister goes through with her plans they will be crushed that they weren't informed, let alone asked to participate. Would I be wrong to break our sisterly bond and tell them what's up?
You would be wrong as two left shoes if you ratted out your sister. It's her life, and if she wants to elope, it's her prerogative. With that said, we live in a very selfish world where people do whatever they want without any consideration for others. When family members don't support a relationship elopement usually occurs. But if family, specifically parents, has been supportive of us, even if they hate the guts of the person we intend to marry, we should at least consider a middle ground.
At the minimum I think she should give your parents the option to attend the ceremony; whether it's a big party, a Fat Elvis Vegas wedding, or held at the courthouse. In the end, however, it doesn't matter if your parents are involved in the wedding or not, they will still be disappointed because they don't approve of the boyfriend, not to mention the fact that your sister will only be 18 when she elopes.
The thing that disturbs me most about all of this is, your soon-to-be brother-in-law cursed out your mother and you said he's great to be around. What part of the game is that?
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