My Friend Thinks I Snitched on Her. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
MY FRIEND THINKS I SNITCHED AND NOW EVERYBODY HATES ME
Dear Willie D:
I'm in the middle of a friendship crisis that started two weeks ago. My friend since kindergarten was babysitting for a couple in our neighborhood, and she invited her boyfriend over to make out in their bed. I called her while they were in bed together and she told me she would call me back. When she did I was filled in on all of the raunchy details. Well, a few days after the incident she called accusing me of telling the couple what she did.
I know the couple, but I have only spoken to them maybe twice in the ten years I've been living in the neighborhood. But she swears that I'm to blame for leaking the information. I told her that her boyfriend may have said something, but she insists that he would never do something like that. The couple not only fired her, but they called the authorities because she's only 15 and the boy is 19.
They arrested him, and now he has to go to court for charges of unlawful sex with a minor. I have tried texting, emailing and reaching out to her on Facebook, but she won't respond. She is telling all of the friends we share that I'm a snitch, and can't be trusted. How can I get her to believe me, and get my friend back?
People believe what they want to believe. Maybe she's blaming you because you're more expendable than her boyfriend; therefore it's easier to accept you betraying her than her boyfriend doing so. She probably already had doubts about the validity of your relationship with her, and the incident was a perfect excuse to charge you up.
I think you've already stated your case, but if you want to put an explanation mark on it, reach out to her one final time to reassure her that you did not rat her out, and let her know you are offended by her accusation. Tell her that you value her friendship too much to betray her trust, and you hope that she values yours enough to give you the benefit of the doubt. Then let her know that you're available if she wants to talk, and be done with it.
I don't know; your friend sounds high-maintenance. Sometimes holes get poked through the armor that protects the sanctity of friendship. When that happens and a mutual desire to patch things up doesn't exist, the friendship has run its course.
I'M ALMOST 50 AND STILL DON'T HAVE A SOUL MATE
Dear Willie D:
In July I will be 50 years old, and still unmarried without kids. All of my closest friends have full families: spouses and children. Whenever there's a holiday or special occasion I always feel awkward and alone, even in a full room. I have been told often that my standards are too high, but I don't see it. I mean, what's wrong with wanting honesty, trust, love, attention, respect and loyalty from the person you're in a relationship with?
I lowered my standards for the last guy I was with and promised myself I would never do that again. That was six long years ago. I am very lonely and I'm starting to think I will never meet the right guy. Why is it so easy for some people to find their soul mate right away and others like me to search most of their life for the right person? Do you think some people were just meant to be alone?
I don't think a single human being in this world was meant to be alone. I think what happens is that most of us set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, and force those expectations on prospective partners. Too often we focus on superficial things such as looks, status and material items instead of seeking complementary traits and common interests. When we focus on the superficial it causes us to be judgmental and critical of our mate's mistakes, and choices.
In my short time on earth I've never found love when I was consciously pursuing it; every meaningful relationship I've had was serendipitous. You don't have to look for love. Like a child given away at birth, it will find you when you least expect it.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
MY BOYFRIEND TAKES NUDE PICTURES OF WOMEN
Dear Willie D: I'm on bad terms with my boyfriend at the moment because I took offense when he told me he was going to be taking naked pictures of a girl. He is a photographer. To be honest I have never been comfortable with his job because I'm always thinking something might be going on with him and one of his gorgeous models. To spare the details, I'm not buying the whole, "It's art" thing. Am I overreacting?
Dear Willie D:
I'm on bad terms with my boyfriend at the moment because I took offense when he told me he was going to be taking naked pictures of a girl. He is a photographer. To be honest I have never been comfortable with his job because I'm always thinking something might be going on with him and one of his gorgeous models.
To spare the details, I'm not buying the whole, "It's art" thing. Am I overreacting?
You're insecure and jealous; that's normal when your man is in that line of work. If I were your photographer boyfriend I would shoot you in various forms of undress as often as possible to make you feel special. Frankly, I don't see how women date photographers. They spend countless hours alone with beautiful women who pay them. But a photographer is a photographer; even if he photographs rocks. It doesn't matter what he's shooting. It's his job, so let him do it.
Maybe you can ask him to let you sit in on a session so you'll feel more comfortable. Photography is your boyfriend's passion; he's not going to give it up for you or anybody else, and you shouldn't want him to. If you want your relationship to stay intact you need to support him. It's a hard pill to swallow, so crush it up and drink plenty of water.
SLUMLORD WON'T RETURN MY CALLS
Dear Willie D:
I'm a single mother of three beautiful children. I work 50 hours a week and bring home $1,400 a month after taxes. I live in a sketchy area of town in a big city, so my rent is only $650 each month. After I'm done buying food, paying utilities, phone bill and bus fare I'm broke. So I don't have money to pay for anything extra, like when something breaks down in my apartment.
Since my apartment was built in the '60s, something's always breaking down. Most recently my toilet became backed up, so I've been waiting for the landlord to fix it for a week. He keeps saying he will, but never shows up. He was supposed to come yesterday, but called to say he couldn't make it. He just makes excuses and ignores my phone calls until I stop calling him and fix it myself.
Thank God my sister lives in the same building and allows us to use her bathroom. I would pay for the repair myself, but I don't get paid until another week. What should I do? I can't afford to move.
Backed Up Tenant:
There are few people on earth worse than a slumlord. Besides stinking up the place, a clogged toilet can be a health hazard. Fix the toilet, get a receipt for the repairs, and deduct the cost from your rent. Your slumlord will probably be mad at you, but that's his problem. Going forward, if I were you I would count my losses and get out before the roof caves in.
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